Well first of all I would like to introduce myself...my name is Missy and I am 21..My husband is in the army and we have been married for three years..we have a 16 mth old son together and my husband deployed last march..my husband has been through hell and back over there like unfort so many other soldier have been...a close friend he met while deployed was killed and he has had plenty of close calls himself..here is my problem...my husband came home for r and r in august and my mother was having serious health problems..he did not want to go back b/c he was concerned for her but he had to go back..2 weeks after he went back we found out my mother had sarcoma..and it was bad..she went through a hyster to remove her female organs and they ended up finding a ten pound tumor inside of her...she went through kemo and I helped her through all that she faced (throwing up, the inablitity to eat, her losing her hair, and so much more) she got really bad and the cancer spread throughout her whole body..my husband came home 2 nights before she passed on she died on christmas eve with my hand in hers..the loss of my mother destroyed me..I could not get a grip...I did not want to live without her not only was she my mother but she was my father too and my rock and best friend...my husband returned to his fob 2 and a half short weeks after her death..and 2 days after he left I found out I was expecting our second child...the idea of having a baby so soon after the loss of my mother tore me apart.. but over the last couple of months I have learned to love the little girl growing inside of me...but I am still not over my mother's death in the slightest...I put on a show pretending I am ok when my husband calls and occasionaly I cry about how much I miss her when I am on the phone with him...what I am worried about is I have nightmares reliving her death (I sat by her beside and held her hand when she died) and I wake up sweaty and screaming and crying...my husband thinks I am doing ok for the most part but he does not know how bad it really is..b/c of the loss I feel like I am not going to be able to be the best mother I can be for my daughter...I can handle my son...he is a little joy but as bad as this sounds I hold a grudge against my unborn daughter b/c my mother helped me through my pg with my son she rubbed my belly when I was pg for him and she taught me everything I know about taking care of him..but I don't have her here to help me through this pg and she can't rub my tummy anymore..deep inside I know it is not her fault but I just can't let go..I know it may make me sound like a horrible mother but it's the truth...I love my daughter I really do but I am not looking forward to having to go through the birth and stuff without my mom..I miss her more and more everyday and it feels like the pain will never go away...now my husband is coming home in a couple of weeks and I am worried he will not want to help me through my feelings and all the bagage I have from my mom dying..he has things he has to get help for that are more important than my problems in all reality he has been through alot more than I have..I don't know how to tell him I am doing so crappy b/c I don't want him to think I am selfish...I don't know what to do if anyone can give me advice I would greatly apprec. it thanks!!!

I think you should look at your daughter as your mothers final gift to you.

:hugs this is a great resource of ladies here on sos. i know there are a couple ft. drum ladies on here.

When my stepmom died, my daughter was 3 weeks old. My brothers girlfriend was also pg. Even though i know it was the hardest thing they ever went thru, my stepsisters told me that they know with life come death, and vice versa. You may want to talk to your OBGYN about your feelings. I had really bad depression throughout my pg and my Dr put me on Zoloft. He said it was safe to take thru the pg and breastfeeding.

First off welcome to SOS! This is a great place to find support!!!! :hugehug! And if you ever want someone to talk...you are welcome to PM me. :hug

I think you should look at your daughter as your mothers final gift to you.

I agree.

I think you should go get some couciling it sounds like PTS...yes that can happen from a loved ones death (phsyc student)

I just wanted to say welcome to the site and sorry for your loss.

first off welcome to this site there are tons of girls who could help you. Something else is I would talk to your dr. about this. He/she will know what to do. Like someone else said, I would look at your daughter as your mother's final gift to you. And I know she's not there PHYSICALLY to rub your tummy, or be in the delivery room but she is there for you touching you and that baby watching out for you girls. It will be okay. :hugs

Hi & welcome to SOS.

I really don't think you should hold a grudge on anyone. I can totally see why you would feel the way you do. You have been going through an extremely tough time. However- think of it this way- before she died, she gave you the tools to be a great mum, and then she died and 2 weeks later you are pregnant with a baby girl?! That's an amazing thing. It's like she gave you a gift. And she wouldn't give you a gift if she thought you couldn't handle it.

I understand you don't want to bother your husband with your problems, however your problems are far from pety and he CAN help you through this. It's not fair on yourself to bottle it up. He may have really big problems right now- but in my eyes- so do you. Share everything with him, and you will feel alot better. He loves you, your carrying his baby, your mental health counts now more then ever. Open up to him.

:hugs I'm sorry for your loss, be strong, and congrats on his upcoming homecoming and the pregnancy!