Hello everyone!
I am new to this site. My boyfriend is in the ARMY and I couldn't be more proud of him, but we have a HUGE issue. Ever since he came home from Iraq he hasn't been the same. He is having many problems mentally. He lost 10 of his buddies while he was over there and blames himself for it. He said he needs time to work out all the things going on in his head. We just "split up" this past Tuesday. :tears He said he loves me more then anything and that he wants to get back together, but that he has to be selfish right now and work on his issues. I feel lost without him and almost blame myself. I want to be there to support him and help but he is almost pushing me away. Please has anyone been in this situation? What can I do? I miss him so much. I never thought that it would be this hard when he came back home. In my mind I thought everything would be back to normal. Anyone with advice please help! I love my man and want to be there for him. :sigh

i have never been in that situation, but i will pray for him and hope he gets the help he needs to help him cope with the tradgedies that he has endured.

I am so sorry hun.

I have never been through a situation like this exactly. But when my husband (fiance at time) tried pushing me away cos HE was dealing with the same issues, I didn't let him. I helped him through it and he ended up being thankful he had a shoulder to cry on and he was thankful I didn't let him push me away etc etc.

I think you just need to be really supportive and patient right now. Be there for him, and give him time. He is obviously going through so much. He does still need love and support though.

Sorry you are going through this hun. I don't have too much advice.

:hugs

You need to give him time to deal with his issues-be supportive, don't abandon him, but don't pressure him. Iraq is a tough place, especially since he lsot buddies over there. Make sure he is seeing a counselor, and give him time.

You need to give him time to deal with his issues-be supportive, don't abandon him, but don't pressure him. Iraq is a tough place, especially since he lsot buddies over there. Make sure he is seeing a counselor, and give him time.

:agree

I don't think it would be out of line to drop him a weekly phone call to let him know that you are thinking of him, and you are still there for him..

Welcome to the forum!!! :hugehug

i'm sorry i haven't been through anything like this but it sounds like he needs some time on his own. He has been through an incredibly traumatic experience to which a very small percentage of the populaton can relate. i'm sure you're intentions are very good, but i'd give him some space to deal with his trauma. it doesn't mean you need to disappear, just give him time to heal/deal. :hugs

You need to give him time to deal with his issues-be supportive, don't abandon him, but don't pressure him. Iraq is a tough place, especially since he lsot buddies over there. Make sure he is seeing a counselor, and give him time.



Excellent advice.

:hugs That is a tough situation for you both, and you both have my :pray
He needs to feel like he only has to worry about himself, I'm sure so I would do as the other suggested and call weekly to let him know you care about him still. Don't pressure him about your relationship, but make yourself available to talk to him if he wants to. Just don't date anyone else in the meantime if you plan on getting back with him.

You need to give him time to deal with his issues-be supportive, don't abandon him, but don't pressure him. Iraq is a tough place, especially since he lsot buddies over there. Make sure he is seeing a counselor, and give him time.

Well said & great advice. He's going through a rough time and while it seems like he's pushing you away, he still needs you. Just let him know that you're there for him every once in a while.

I haven't been in your situation but I wish you the best. :hugs

You need to give him time to deal with his issues-be supportive, don't abandon him, but don't pressure him. Iraq is a tough place, especially since he lsot buddies over there. Make sure he is seeing a counselor, and give him time.


x2

Hang in there sweetie, I know it's a tough time, but we're here for you and you need to be there for him too :hugs

I think a phone call every week or so is a great idea! Don't pressure him, just let him know you still care. Definitely too soon to try & date anyone else right now-- you may end up getting back together & that would introduce a lot of unnecessary drama & your head & heart are still with him anyway. Meanwhile, you need to focus on doing good things for yourself--

I am so sorry to hear that you two are going through this. I think you have been given so fantastic advice. Good Luck Momma!

It sounds like he has PTSD. If that's the case, he definitely needs to go in and seek specialized counseling for it (I do believe it's pretty much provided for him), 'cause that won't go away on its own. For your own sanity, you might want to look into PTSD a bit, so that you have an idea of why all this is going on.

Everyone's advice is excellent. Listen to them!

It sounds like he has PTSD. If that's the case, he definitely needs to go in and seek specialized counseling for it (I do believe it's pretty much provided for him), 'cause that won't go away on its own. For your own sanity, you might want to look into PTSD a bit, so that you have an idea of why all this is going on.

Everyone's advice is excellent. Listen to them!

:yes

Just give it time.. My ex boyfriend is in Iraq. He left me before he went over. When they go through war they just get in this defense mechanism mode. I'm sure it'll be okay, just give him space, tell him that you love him and are there for him.. and if you don't talk for awhile call him up or message him and let him know you were wondering how he was doing.

hang in there hun. and be there for him. he needs to figure somethings out but he still needs you. just dont pressure him. good luck i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

I have never been in this situation. But my DH pushed me away from awhile, but I made it known I was there for him and I was never leaving. I wish you ton's of luck..And I hope everything works out for you and your DB! :hugs

thank you! At least you know what it is like to have them push you away. That is what he is doing to me too. Thank you again and I am so glad that someone understands. How did you let him know you weren't leaving without him feeling like you were smothering him? I don't want him to get mad and go further away.

If you normally talk every day, then you CANNOT call or email or anything for 24 hours min. Let him set the pace. Then call every few days at first. Tell him you still care love him and are giving him space and letting him set the pace. But if you're the one always initiating the texts, calls, emails, then you may be smothering him. If you call him once a week for a few weeks, he will know you are there for him, but not smothering him. Definitely do some reading on PTSD & get some support for yourself in the meantime.
http://www.ptsdsupport.net/ptsd_spouse.html

http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread107.html

hi,
give him time, and check up on him. be his friend in the darkest time of his life. he's lost right now. adjusting back to civilian life will take a lot of time- either way, he is changed forever but it can be for the better no matter what you think. in the mean time, don't neglect yourself while trying to help him. if you are not grounded, strong, and taking care of yourself, you will not be able to help him. the only thing you can do right now is pray and simply be there. don't think you have to always say the right thing or come up with clever answers. just be there for him and for yourself. you have my prayers and support.
God bless,
evelyn
koonce's lady