So I was talking to a friend of mine who got married to her bf who's in the USAF. So I sent her a msg on myspace, asking her so how is it down there in Texas and how's the married life. So she wrote me back saying:

It's hard. The hardest part is financial. There never seems to be enough money to pay bills, and get groceries and furnish your house, and there's a lot of things that you would've never thought of before. HOnestly, I would've waited til i was older. It's really hard, and you get really lonely. Cuz their gone a lot, and you don't know very many people. I'm 19 and all my friends are partying, and in college, and lovin the night life, and i'm at home being a housewife already. And the south is so much different then up north. There not that friendly. You don't have anyone to depend on but yourself, and hopefully your husband. Jake doesn't pay bills, or keep track of money, or cook, or clean. I have to do laundry for two people, dishes for two people, cook for two people, and clean up after a puppy and a husband! and on top of it all ii'm pregnant! The government really screws you over too. But i love jake, and i try to make it work for our sake and the babies sake, and i don't want to fail at this. I'm sorry if this seems so negative, but it's true and i'm not gonna sit here and lie and say its great, because its not. I miss my friends, and my family. Being a military wife is hard, and living on base on stuff sucks, so if you do this shit, don't live on base. And there's always that threat that they will be deployed, i pray every day that jake doesn't get deployed. And if Mike's in the infantry, honey, he's gonna be deployed in a heart beat. I've seen it happen too many times, trust me. They're girlfriends marry them, and they move away from everything familiar, and they get deployed over seas. And i'm not sure if you can moved in with him right after he graduates because he might have to go through some schooling. AND REMEMBER!!!! Boot camp changes people. Jake was a lot different, and his training wasn't nearly as rough as mikes is. So make sure you know what he's like after wards too. And distance and time doesn't make all your differences go away either, i know that for a fact. You guys will still have the same problems as you did before, and they might even be intensified, because your toether til DEATH DO YOU PART GIRL! There's a lot to think about, and just think things through before you make a decision. I know you love mike, like i love jake, but sometimes that's not enough. that's all i have to say. Good luck, and i miss you!

--* So after that I just can't stop thinkinig about it! I'm actually the type of girl who sees it for herself yannoe, and not take other's negatively words for it! But grrrrr, and then she wrote me back couple days later saying,..

I just can't stop thinking about you going down with mike! PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT!!! IT"S SO HARD!!! if i were you, and if i could do everything over....i wouldn't of done it. DOn't tell anyone that, but its true

She has a lot of valid points, but it sounds like she's just having a really hard time. Everyone's experiences are different so you can't always base what someone else feels about something on how you will feel. Just follow your heart and be supportive of your friend!

How long were they together before they got married?

I think any marriage can be like that in the begining. Its two new lives becoming one. Both people are used to different things. Men typically are used to being not so clean and not doing things a woman normally does. Ive been married for two years and its just getting to be easy. I wouldnt say its because shes married to the military, its just marriage in general!

How long were they together before they got married?


2 yrs pretty much

Aaaand how old are they? Just curious is all :lol

Ok I just saw that she is 19

I know but she could've at least kept a positive attitude about it tho, I mean not to be mean and all, but she's a spoiled brat. She grew up in a rich family and she's the type of girl who gets whatever she wants! I just don't think she's fit for it. I mean she's my friend and all, but she gotta consider everybody and everyone else too instead of hers. I mean of course i'm not going to base my feelings and what I need to do or what not from hers. But from the way she was saying it was horrible!

I know but she could've at least kept a positive attitude about it tho, I mean not to be mean and all, but she's a spoiled brat. She grew up in a rich family and she's the type of girl who gets whatever she wants! I just don't think she's fit for it. I mean she's my friend and all, but she gotta consider everybody and everyone else too instead of hers. I mean of course i'm not going to base my feelings and what I need to do or what not from hers. But from the way she was saying it was horrible!

Ok then I agree with you that she needs to consider others. If she's so spoiled that she has to have her way all the time, the military life is gonna be one rough ride for her.

She does seem to have alot of valid points to think about. You can tell she cares about it because she didnt sugarcoat how she feels or how she is living. It is not going to be easy and getting married young isnt for everyone and especially if you are in the military it puts more things to deal with into the mix of a new marriage. Atleast she didnt say straight up dont marry your man she just said think about everything first and make sure its what you want to do.

I agree, she did say "valid points" But your also a different relationship. They dont ALWAYS change after bootcamp, she cant speak for your man in that way. And because hers doesnt help clean/cook etc..Doesnt mean yours wont..Maybe you guys can sort that out before marriage..Like DH and I did. We made sure to talk about how the household would be ran and etc. It DEFINITLY is really hard to be a military wife. But If he is the one, You can do it! Goodluck hun Im always here if you want to chat! :)

Maybe they should have waited but she needs to accept that her hubby is the kind of guy that does not do those sorts of things and step up. If she is as spoiled as she sounds she will not make it very long in this lifestyle if she doesn't get a grip. Remember, every relationship is different so don't let her thoughts taint your relationship. Definitely take into consideration what she is saying though.

She may have some "valid" points, but it seems to me that she totally regrets the type of situation she has put herself in. Not only is she married so young, obviously not finding support (Ok the southern thing is a lie, Texas people are some of the nicest I have ever met)maybe because she is not looking for it, and is now PREGNANT. She seems like she misses that life before of partying and going out. If she was spoiled she is in for a hard ride. It may not be easy at first, but it does get easier. I would certainly not let the feelings of one person make you rethink your relationship.

Thank you gals, for the responsed and your opinions about it! Makes me feel ALOT better! You guys are AWESOME! :)

She may have some "valid" points, but it seems to me that she totally regrets the type of situation she has put herself in. Not only is she married so young, obviously not finding support (Ok the southern thing is a lie, Texas people are some of the nicest I have ever met)maybe because she is not looking for it, and is now PREGNANT. She seems like she misses that life before of partying and going out. If she was spoiled she is in for a hard ride. It may not be easy at first, but it does get easier. I would certainly not let the feelings of one person make you rethink your relationship.


Ditto to all.

Don't let someone else's perception become yours.

Ok, the first year of marriage is hard on everybody. It's time of big change and adjustment, and it's even harder when you're away from your comfort zone. I know from experience. My DH and I got married and 2 weeks later he left for his new duty station at Groton, CT. We were apart for a month while he waited on housing, personal property and time to take house hunting leave to come back to TX and get me. That first year was tough, DH and I were very happy though. We hated where we lived and where he was stationed, but at least we were together.

Sounds like she's going through a lot, but also needs time to learn to make the best of her situation, even though it may be less than desirable. Not everyone's marriage is like hers!

She may have some "valid" points, but it seems to me that she totally regrets the type of situation she has put herself in. Not only is she married so young, obviously not finding support (Ok the southern thing is a lie, Texas people are some of the nicest I have ever met)maybe because she is not looking for it, and is now PREGNANT. She seems like she misses that life before of partying and going out. If she was spoiled she is in for a hard ride. It may not be easy at first, but it does get easier. I would certainly not let the feelings of one person make you rethink your relationship.

Thank you! I knew we weren't rude. :wink

She does sound like she regrets her decision, and she's bitter..

she may be spoiled, but I didn't pick up on that in her letter -- I do think what she's going through is really hard-- I can't imagine doing all that at 19 & being pregnant!
Also, she should get a job before the baby comes for a few months since they're so poor - or working on her degree- because she's obviously not delighted with the homemaking gig. If she is working outside the house- he should be ashamed of himself!

Like they said, everyone is different. I am 24, almost 25. I moved away from home, for the first time, in Februaury to get married and be a Navy wife. (I stayed at home to finish school) It is hard. But, to me, it is worth it. I think that in the beginning things can be really stressful, but you have to just push through because after a while things do calm down. You get into a groove and then paying bills becomes a natural thing. Most people at that age have never had to truely pay bills. (I know that a lot have, I am just speaking in the general sense.) So it comes as a huge shock. I am sure she will be fine once she gets settled. Just be a good support system for her.

OK, having been "spoiled and gotten everything i wanted" I cant say that it has affected my marriage at all by being a military wife, thats just me though, I always felt bad when my parents catered to me and my brothers every need. I kind of like having to get into the swing of things with just me and my hubby. I also married at 19, and yes it has been difficult having had to leave my friends and family, but I am building a new life, new friends, a new family. It just has to do with what you make of it. Yes, my hubby and i have our bad days were we dont like eachother, yet 10mins later we are all over eachother, and we always find time to work out issues that have been bothering us. Marriage takes work, and for it to be successfull you have to be willing to put in as much time as it takes to make it work.

I do honestly think that she was extremely young.

The military life is something that you need to take into consideration long before you commit to "it" or anyone in the military. There's pro's and there's cons.. there always will be....

so guess what!? i just received another msg from her today! I guess she just found out from her husband that I was planning on moving to Germany with my guy,...Soooo she goes,..

,...it's not something you wanna hear....and everyone told me the same thing, and i didn't want to hear it! But i really don't think you should do this, i can't tell you enough. I'm miserable in just the south, and your gonna move somewhere where you don't speak the language? how are you gonna meet people? or get a job? your really making a mistake, thats all ihave to say, you and can hate me if you want, but i wouldn't be able to be ok if i didn't say it. your young, and you and mike fought all the time, and now you want to marry him? You haven't even seen him in like a long ass time....just think about it. I'm sure you've made up your mind, but shit girl, your gonna regret it. I KNOW!! I'M LIVING IT!!! I'm living a big regret. and everyone i'm friends with who is young and married to the military feel the same way. But maybe you need to find out for yourself. It's not like you can just drive home, your overseas. GOOD LUCK FOR CHRISTS SAKE

ughhh, what to do, what to do with her!???

so guess what!? i just received another msg from her today! I guess she just found out from her husband that I was planning on moving to Germany with my guy,...Soooo she goes,..

,...it's not something you wanna hear....and everyone told me the same thing, and i didn't want to hear it! But i really don't think you should do this, i can't tell you enough. I'm miserable in just the south, and your gonna move somewhere where you don't speak the language? how are you gonna meet people? or get a job? your really making a mistake, thats all ihave to say, you and can hate me if you want, but i wouldn't be able to be ok if i didn't say it. your young, and you and mike fought all the time, and now you want to marry him? You haven't even seen him in like a long ass time....just think about it. I'm sure you've made up your mind, but shit girl, your gonna regret it. I KNOW!! I'M LIVING IT!!! I'm living a big regret. and everyone i'm friends with who is young and married to the military feel the same way. But maybe you need to find out for yourself. It's not like you can just drive home, your overseas. GOOD LUCK FOR CHRISTS SAKE

ughhh, what to do, what to do with her!???

She doesn't sound like a very supportive friend....It's hard, but not every young couple regrets it. One bad experience does not mean it can't work. Only you, yourself, can know if your relationship is ready and YOU are ready for this. If you're questioning yourself due to what she is saying, you may not be ready, but if you do truly feel in your heart that this is what you are "meant" to do...then by all means, go for it. Don't let one experience stop you.

She doesn't sound like a very supportive friend....It's hard, but not every young couple regrets it. One bad experience does not mean it can't work. Only you, yourself, can know if your relationship is ready and YOU are ready for this. If you're questioning yourself due to what she is saying, you may not be ready, but if you do truly feel in your heart that this is what you are "meant" to do...then by all means, go for it. Don't let one experience stop you.


Well you know how it is, when you know exactly what you wanna do in life and what not. And what you feel is right and best for you. And then one person comes into your life and just have to ruin everything for you and says all these negative things that makes you wonder??? I mean I love my bf, he's the best thing that has ever happened. I have never been soo comfortable around anybody but him. It's like I can wear sweats and a t-shirt, or go out without make-up on or look my best and he'll still love me no matter what you know?? It's just sad how she's not supportive at all. I mean yeah we're a whole lot different from eachother, but she could've still be supportive yannoe!? I mean I know she's looking out for me. But the sad part is that i'm friends with her husband too, and that's my bf's best friend!!!!! And I just can't believe she's saying all that, because it makes me think about him too you know!?? Like gosh! The poor guy, because he loves her verry much and he poor his heart out for her!!!!!

IGNORE HER. SHE is miserable in HER life, and she is bringing you down with her.

You will meet new people, you will learn the language, you will do what you have to do. She needs to stop being so selfish.

YES marriage is hard, YES new places are hard to adjust to, NOTHING in life is going to be a cakewalk, especially if it's worth it.

YES marriage is hard, YES new places are hard to adjust to, NOTHING in life is going to be a cakewalk, especially if it's worth it.


Sometimes goldilockz says the greatest things. i (L) this quote!!! thanks goldi

Sometimes goldilockz says the greatest things. i (L) this quote!!! thanks goldi

:D I made that up! :mwahaha

thanks for the support and comfort!!! :grouphug

:D I made that up! :mwahaha


Well it was a good one!!!:giggle

1- are you taking the standard pre-marital counseling most churches offer for free?
2- if all your friends are negative about their own relationships/ marriages ("everyone i'm friends with who is young and married to the military feel the same way")- you gotta change friends asap- there are plenty of people who are happy
3- Going to another country can be a fabulous experience!

1- are you taking the standard pre-marital counseling most churches offer for free?
2- if all your friends are negative about their own relationships/ marriages ("everyone i'm friends with who is young and married to the military feel the same way")- you gotta change friends asap- there are plenty of people who are happy
3- Going to another country can be a fabulous experience!


Is she even religious? :dunno

Good point.
Hmm.... maybe there's a non-denominational church or some free military pre-marital counseling (I like the free part - I know most churches don't charge)-- I bet if you went to the base chaplain or minister & told them you're not religious but you need some standard pre-marital counseling he/ she? could hook them up & maybe focus more on marriage and less on the God part

LOOK!! I wrote you a whole THREAD! (I'm SO hyper, lol, I sincerely apologize, but the thread really was for you)

Basically, a lot of things suck, so I wrote a letter about some of them, and invited the masses to add on (it's a LONG first post, but you might get a kick out of it) There are things a lot of people won't tell you that do suck, and you have to REALLY love him, and have a REALLY strong relationship and communication to work it out. She's right; he might be different after boot camp. In fact, if he's a Marine, he probably will be more proud of himself, which some people see as arrogant. It's not arrogant, it's the Marines :P (that was seriously a joke, lol). However, if he wrote you letters and called you when he could, he obviously still loves you. The military can't take that away. You might have to take time and get to know him again, and that's ok too.

You can make it through, and just because she's spoiled and the military doesn't cater to her and she hates it (which, I'm so sorry, but that's how I read it) doesn't mean that's how you are. (The military won't cater to you either, though, lol)

Anyways, if you want it, the other thread is http://forum.militarysos.com/showthread.php?t=75495 and the following is an except from it. If not, I hope it makes someone smile, lol.

4. Civilians. That's pretty much a letter in itself. They do not understand your plight, fears, or added burdens. All they know is that you're swimming in cash, toss diamonds around your living room, have no neighbor troubles at all, and that you get paid by the kid in the military. It is extremely probable that none of these will ever be true, unless by "cash" you mean debt, by "diamonds" you mean tantrums because you're on your 6th move in 7 years, by "no neighbor troubles" they mean I have my head so far up my a**.....moving on...

4.5 Civilians p.2. "Civilians will never understand, but they love telling you that you knew what you were signing up for, and/or their blind, often ignorant views about your husband's job or the war that it entails."

so guess what!? i just received another msg from her today! I guess she just found out from her husband that I was planning on moving to Germany with my guy,...Soooo she goes,..

,...it's not something you wanna hear....and everyone told me the same thing, and i didn't want to hear it! But i really don't think you should do this, i can't tell you enough. I'm miserable in just the south, and your gonna move somewhere where you don't speak the language? how are you gonna meet people? or get a job? your really making a mistake, thats all ihave to say, you and can hate me if you want, but i wouldn't be able to be ok if i didn't say it. your young, and you and mike fought all the time, and now you want to marry him? You haven't even seen him in like a long ass time....just think about it. I'm sure you've made up your mind, but shit girl, your gonna regret it. I KNOW!! I'M LIVING IT!!! I'm living a big regret. and everyone i'm friends with who is young and married to the military feel the same way. But maybe you need to find out for yourself. It's not like you can just drive home, your overseas. GOOD LUCK FOR CHRISTS SAKE

ughhh, what to do, what to do with her!???

Well, now by this point, she's just sounding like a drama queen :cryriver :dramaqueen. I don't mean to belittle her feelings or her situation, and perhaps she really does feel that way, but I really cannot imagine someone who actually ever cared about their SO in the first place saying those sorts of things. "I'm living a big regret." I'm shocked and appalled, and I'm glad that her poor husband hasn't read this. Or maybe he has. :no That's just sad.

You need to do what YOU feel is best for you and your SO. Her relationship does not dictate what you will go through and what your experience will be as a military wife. In the short time I've been a mil. wife, I've met wives that traveled to England and Germany, etc. and LOVED it. You never know what you may find and really enjoy. Please do not allow this to shape your future... there is no reason why anyone else but you and your SO should weigh so heavily on your decision to spend the rest of your lives together!!

*yikes* I just got done watching Hostel Part II

Makes me not wanna move over there anymore! ahahaha jk