So I joined the gym for two reasons, for me to get some alone time (:hehe thats about as alone as I can get!!) and for Riley to get some cheap ($10 a month) interaction with other children as well.

Well we took him a few months ago, and he cried, and then after a couple of minutes, was fine. But this time, he was fine when we went in, and as soon as I left, he freaked out... I figured that was normal, since I stay at home with home, but I sat outside just feeling so guilty. Another mom came up to me and said "I know, it's hard, but you just gotta do it". So I went and hopped on the treadmill and the stairclimber, and went back about 30 minutes later and he was sitting in a little chair, crying his eyes out. :( I just feel sick with guilt now, and I know he will be fine. But how the hell do I do this? How do I know the difference between him crying because he's mad I left or him crying because he is scared and confused? Should I just let him cry and do my whole workout next time?

Help? :worried

Do you bring Riley to playgroups for the interaction with other children?

I know it's hard all kids have been in the same situation you just gotta do it they will get over it and be even more excited to see you in the ed

Was it the first time you took him in a long time? I say give it a week, its a new routine for him and maybe he just needs to get used to it :shrug

Once he starts putting the fact that yes you are going to leave him there, but you will come back together he'll enjoy his time away from you as much as you will enjoy your time away from him and then be excited to see you when you come back! Just enjoy your time while you are working out and get your full work out and come back very excited to see him and go do something together to show that his time away from you can be a lot of fun! :D

You could also find a play group he might like and see if another one of the Mom's would workout the same time you are and that way the kiddos could be in the daycare together at the same time so he has someone he knows in there.

:hugs I know we all think poor kiddo, but I'm thinking poor Mommy right now!! :hugs It'll be ok!!!

Do you bring Riley to playgroups for the interaction with other children?


Yeah I started that about 5 months ago after I realized how much I had been sheltering him. He has done really well at all of the playgroups, happy to be with other children. And today at the gym, he was fine with the other kids, and was saying "hi" to them and ran right to the toys, but once I left, he flipped.

Michelle- yeah it was the first time in months. And even at the playgroups, I am still there with him.

Do you guys think it's just separation anxiety? And that he is just gonna have to tough it out?

Maybe it would help if I "sneaked out" instead of saying goodbye, at least until he gets used to it?

Thanks Steph, you're a sweetheart!

I'd give it a few more days and reassess the situation at that point. Give him at least 4-5 days to get used to it. If he's still having major issues, I wouldn't continue, but that's just me. Most kids are fine though if you give them a few days to get into the groove of things. Its new for him so he's probably just got his guard up right now and isn't able to enjoy the time with the other children because he's so worried about you being gone. Once he knows that you'll come back for him, he'll be fine, I'm sure.

the teachers at jaxon's preschool use a certain method called the "drop and go" or something to that effect (can't remember the exact name) but it's used for the kids who have a tough time with separation. the mom basically brings the child to the teacher, the teacher starts to interact to get the child's attention, once the teacher has the attention, the parent GOES- FAST! :lol The child is usually upset for a few minutes but they have found that this is the easiest way to do it, rather than drawing out a long goodbye, which ends up upsetting the child more.

You may want to try this to see if this is easier on him? The teachers at his school swear by it for the children who have sep anxiety.

Whenver I leave Ethan, I have to reassure him that I'll be back. Whenever I tell him, "Mommy will be back babe!" he isn't as upset.

I went thru the exact same thing! Don;t sneak away, be very matter-of-fact, "Mommy loves you and will be right back!" and then go. It might be easier if you worked him up to a whole workout, if you do 30 min of intense cardio you can still get a decent workout, then gradually add time on. It worked for me and now my kids have no problems being left at the gym.

the teachers at jaxon's preschool use a certain method called the "drop and go" or something to that effect (can't remember the exact name) but it's used for the kids who have a tough time with separation. the mom basically brings the child to the teacher, the teacher starts to interact to get the child's attention, once the teacher has the attention, the parent GOES- FAST! :lol The child is usually upset for a few minutes but they have found that this is the easiest way to do it, rather than drawing out a long goodbye, which ends up upsetting the child more.

You may want to try this to see if this is easier on him? The teachers at his school swear by it for the children who have sep anxiety.

I think I will give it a shot. I did do the long drawn out bye bye and kept going back to him goodbye... so I will try that tomorrow. I refuse to have him be a sheltered nervous wreck, but I don't want to scar him either, so finding a happy medium is proving to be difficult.

Victoria, I will give that a shot... due to his speech/language delay, he is not quite on that comprehension level, but I think I will try it anyways, and say that "mommy is back" when I get back too so that maybe he will put it together.

Thanks for the help ladies, I really really appreciate it!!! (L) :grphug

Yup yup Trey!!!!!

it is hard. I went through this when dd started her preschool. It actually took her about 3 weeks to be fully comfortable (she would only go 2 days a week). She would cry and I would feel really badly. They always told me she stopped after a couple of minutes though. It does really help if one of the daycare people can kind of get him involved in something or distract him...after you have said your goodbye. It will just take time. Dd practically pushes me out the door now :giggle

I remember the first day for Morissa at a daycare center...She was in home care until she was 2.....she cried ALL DAY. They would get her calmed down enough for snack, lunch and nap....but as soon as those times were over, she cried and cried.. I felt HORRIBLE. When I picked her up, she wasn't crying, but as soon as she saw me she started balling again. The next day she was alot better.

It will get better Trey!

Don't sneek out. Thats the worst thing you could. I suggest just being matter of fact with him. Tell him you love him. Tell him he'll have fun and you'll be right back. Don't linger on the good bye. It only makes things worse. I call it the bandaide approch. If you take off a bandaide slowly it hurts so much more and the pain lasts longer than if you just rip it off. :lol Children don't have the same concept of time we do so 30 minutes can be "right back" Keep taking him so he gets used to it. If you take him once every few months he will have forgotten all about the fun things he found to do last time. Plus each time you leave him and come back it reenforce his understand of "mommy will come back" Talk with the staff and let them know your concerns. They will need to show him some special attention in the begining.

Dylan still does it sometimes. I can go weeks with a "Bye mom" and other times he is kicking a screaming and yelling at me. At the daycare at the gym I go to them will come and get you if they don't stop crying after a certain amount of time. You can just keep trying. If he is still upset after a week or so maybe take a break from the daycare for a couple days and then try again.

Do you have something of his from home that you can bring with him, something familiar? That might help maybe. Just an idea!

Don't sneek out. Thats the worst thing you could.

The teachers at Jaxon's preschool said it works and they're all excellent teachers, so I trust that they wouldn't give anyone bad advice. If nothing else works, I think it's worth a shot.

Do you have something of his from home that you can bring with him, something familiar? That might help maybe. Just an idea!

I don't know about daycares but most preschools don't allow anything to be brought from home. So, I'm not sure if they'd allow it or not :dunno

Yeah I started that about 5 months ago after I realized how much I had been sheltering him. He has done really well at all of the playgroups, happy to be with other children. And today at the gym, he was fine with the other kids, and was saying "hi" to them and ran right to the toys, but once I left, he flipped.

Michelle- yeah it was the first time in months. And even at the playgroups, I am still there with him.

Do you guys think it's just separation anxiety? And that he is just gonna have to tough it out?

Maybe it would help if I "sneaked out" instead of saying goodbye, at least until he gets used to it?

Thanks Steph, you're a sweetheart!

I dont think that would be the best way to go about it. I think you 'sneaking' out and him turning around and poof your gone, would be more tramatic for him. I think what you need to do is take him there, let him get a feel for the place for a minute before you leave, then go give him a hug and a kiss, tell him what you are going to do, and explain to him that you will be back in x amount of time. If he knows how to read time on clocks, then tell him that when the big hand gets to x and the little hand gets to y then you will be back. And when he sees you come back at the time you said you would, then he will be reassured and not worried about weather or not you just left him. And maybe if you worked out for short periods of time to start with, then that might help too. You could also tell the aid to call you if he starts crying a lot or the whole time again. They shouldnt just let him sit there and cry like that, that isnt right. Hopefully it all works out for you! Good luck!!!

I don't know about daycares but most preschools don't allow anything to be brought from home. So, I'm not sure if they'd allow it or not :dunno

Oh that sucks. Oh well, just an idea. I thought maybe it would be of some comfort to him.

The teachers at Jaxon's preschool said it works and they're all excellent teachers, so I trust that they wouldn't give anyone bad advice. If nothing else works, I think it's worth a shot.

I worked child care for 9 1/2 years. I've seen many kids scared by their parents just leaving. They are playing and happy then look around for mom or dad and they are gone. Then the child is left in a strange place with strange toys and strange people. It can take weeks for a child to get over that happening just once. I would never recommend a parent try that when the child is already having seperation issues. The other thing thats really hard on the child is the parent that wont leave but keeps saying they are going to or leaves for a minute or two then comes back then leaves again for a few more minutes then comes back. Its confusing for the child.

I wanted add I worked with infants and toddlers mainly so leaving an older child without saying goodbye may be ok (I'd never do it to my own children)

I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said, but I still go through that at times with my daughter so I feel the heartache and guilt too..

Hopefully over time he'll get adjusted to it. Definitely reassure him that you'll be back. Good luck! I hope it gets easier for the both of you.

My oldest son was never good at staying places. He is 21 now but I remember when he was about 18 months old and I tried to leave him in a daycare for a few hours. OHHHH the poor little man he cried the whole time ....

Sneaking out may work... BUT I have always felt bad for the kids when I see this. Also if he sees you sneak out it may freak him out more.

Give it some time..... I still remember how guilty it made me feel...:unlove

Sneaking out never ever worked for any of my kids.....when they turned around and realized I wasn't there they freaked out!! I worked for a short period of time when my ex and I divorced and I was called up at work to come and get her because we tried the sneaking out thing and Elizabeth couldn't calm down, she was hyper ventilating. So everyday I just had to tell her I would be back to get her (she was 2 at the time) and she eventually got it. Emilee screams no matter who I leave her with (even grandparents) when she knows I'm getting ready to leave.

Yeah I started that about 5 months ago after I realized how much I had been sheltering him. He has done really well at all of the playgroups, happy to be with other children. And today at the gym, he was fine with the other kids, and was saying "hi" to them and ran right to the toys, but once I left, he flipped.

Michelle- yeah it was the first time in months. And even at the playgroups, I am still there with him.

Do you guys think it's just separation anxiety? And that he is just gonna have to tough it out?

Maybe it would help if I "sneaked out" instead of saying goodbye, at least until he gets used to it?

Thanks Steph, you're a sweetheart!

I agree that its just separation anxiety and he needs to tough it out. But son't give up on saying good bye. If he turns around and you disappeared, he may freak out even more. Good luck.

the teachers at jaxon's preschool use a certain method called the "drop and go" or something to that effect (can't remember the exact name) but it's used for the kids who have a tough time with separation. the mom basically brings the child to the teacher, the teacher starts to interact to get the child's attention, once the teacher has the attention, the parent GOES- FAST! :lol The child is usually upset for a few minutes but they have found that this is the easiest way to do it, rather than drawing out a long goodbye, which ends up upsetting the child more.

You may want to try this to see if this is easier on him? The teachers at his school swear by it for the children who have sep anxiety.

As a pre-school teacher in the past...the drop and go is the best. The long goodbye makes it sooo much worse. They do eventually get use to it and then begin to understand you are not leaving forever. It usually passes quickly. :)xoxo

Thanks for all the advice and input ladies. We have a busy day today, but tomorrow I am gonna try it again, minus the long goodbye and I am not gonna torture myself by waiting around to hear how he does. I know that he likes playing with other kids and new toys, and I know that he needs it developmentally. I am going to try the drop and go method, because I know that he will probably cry either way.. We'll see how that goes for a couple tries and then I will go from there.

Thanks for the help! :hugs