My stepdaughter called last night and informed us she is getting married to her boyfriend in Sept or Oct when he comes home from basic and AIT. They are both only 18 and fresh out of high school. I don't know what to think. They are both smart kids but I don't think they REALLY have any clue what life will be like. She was going to start college in Aug to be a teacher. He is in the Army and wants to be a Ranger. I know nothing about the military so I am looking for the pros and cons from those that know. She keeps saying that he'll get $40,000 after basic then another $40,000 after completing something else which I have a hard time believing. What can you tell her to bring her back to reality so she can make a wise decision either way. She won't listen to any of us. THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP!

Unfortunately, we can talk a blue streak about thinking it through and everything, but it won't change anything for her. If her mind is made up, she's gonna go through with it.

This life is hard, damn hard. Especially if he's gonna be a Ranger. They're gone ALL THE TIME pretty much. If she wants to come on here, we'll support her as much as we can, and answer any questions she has.

I don't think she will listen to you no matter WHAT you tell her, or what sound advice you are able to give her. It sounds like she's entralled with the bonus money (which he may very well be getting, since the military has raised bonuses considerably) instead of getting married, which is very immature. I hope she will make a good decision.

It is possible for them to make it work, and I would suggest being supportive even if you don't agree with her decision at this time. If you are not supportive, she will cut you off and then when she needs you for support later, you won't be an option in her mind. She will do what she wants to do, and unless you want a lot more problems you would do best not to say anything negative. Send her to this site, she can get a lot of support and she will definitely need it.

Unfortunately, we can talk a blue streak about thinking it through and everything, but it won't change anything for her. If her mind is made up, she's gonna go through with it.

This life is hard, damn hard. Especially if he's gonna be a Ranger. They're gone ALL THE TIME pretty much. If she wants to come on here, we'll support her as much as we can, and answer any questions she has.


x2 :yes

I think she's gonna do what she's gonna do momma! All part of the learning process.. I think there are some young couples that DO work out and some that DON'T. No one knows for sure, but she's gotta figure it on her own I think?

:hugs

My advice is surround her with as much information about being an army wife as possible. I recommend the book "Separated By Duty, United By Love" it shows how hard it is to be a military wife and all the crap that is entailed with it. I agree with the above comment about her focusing on the money. Maybe she just wants you to be comfortable knowing she is going to be taken care of, but like money always does, what happens when it runs out. encourage her to join us. We have a lot of advice between the million of us lol and I am sure someone one here can help her :) Let us know any other questions you have!

this life is hard. how long have they been together? i wish them luck. i think all you can do is really support them because you can't stop them legally. :hugs and :goodvibes to your family

Surround her with love. If she feels she has something to prove and things go wrong with them she is likely to stay unhappy to prove her point.

the money part seems iffy to me.

While the $40,000 bonus money could be true, it could also very well be false. Recruiters love to exaggerate and fib a little to get their hopeful recruits to enlist.

I was married at age 19. I took off school for about a year and a half, and now I'm back and doing better than ever. It really just depends on the person. You can make it work, you can get married young, it just depends on your drive, personality, temperament, flexibility, etc. Each person is different so only that person can really make the best decision for themselves.

The other girls have pretty much said it. She's not going to listen to anything any of us tell her if she's got her mind made up, and if you try to push her into doing something differently or trying to listen to you it will just make it worse and she will pull away and rebel even more.

The life is hard, but do-able. There are plenty of women on here that can attest to that. You can still get a degree being married to a serviceman and live a fairly successful life. It might take a bit longer because of PCS's and transfers and of course deployments and things like that, but it is do-able.

I think the best thing you can do for her right now is be supportive. SUGGEST... and I strongly say the word SUGGEST because you don't want her thinking you are TELLING her what to do, that they sit down and really REALLY talk about everything. They need to have a plan, they need to be ready for the unexpected things that could happen. What if he deploys for 15 months right after they are married...she will be left with everything (it could happen). What if they end up getting pregnant at a really early age and it delays her schooling? What if one of them gets sick. What if the military messes up their pay.. do they have enough to get them through that time where things are crazy. Do they have back ups for bills, family issues, deaths in the family, deployments, kids, cars breaking down, etc.. you know the list can go on and on, but if you talk to her like an adult and just let her know you are concerned, but it is her life she may be more open to talking to you about things and you could be her greatest supporter and her confidant!!!

:goodluck

The Army has raised the sign on bonus to $40,000. But it is really hard to get it. I think you have to sign on to the number one needed job and still negotiate it into your contract. I know she may have problems going to school with all the relocating the military life causes, but it is possible if she fights for it!! I say just give her as many fact (good and bad) as you can about the military life. Let her weigh out her options. Good luck!!

I became a Navy Wife at age 18 & I can tell you, yes, we were very young, very determined & are still married today-It IS hard & it IS tough to sit & watch her do that when you want to protect her ,but she will do it if she feels strongly enough about it so I would bless her & the guy & be a part of what they are celebrating because she needs you now more than ever-She is about to become a wife & you can show her how to be a good one-good luck & have faith in them -just because they are young doesn't mean they are stupid-as I said, dh & I are still married today & we will celebrate 18 yrs of TRUE love in Dec:D:D

Well on the contrary- I think if any young relationship will last- it will be a military one. Why? Because we learn to not take things for granted, and to appreciate what we have, while we have it.

It really just depends on the person. You can make it work, you can get married young, it just depends on your drive, personality, temperament, flexibility, etc. Each person is different so only that person can really make the best decision for themselves.

Excellent point! I feel that it really does depend on the person...completely. Some can, some cant.

Well on the contrary- I think if any young relationship will last- it will be a military one. Why? Because we learn to not take things for granted, and to appreciate what we have, while we have it.

:agree

Well on the contrary- I think if any young relationship will last- it will be a military one. Why? Because we learn to not take things for granted, and to appreciate what we have, while we have it.

So true

Well i am 19 and plan on marrying my army ranger this summer. He has been in the army for a year and half. Somethings that i know for sure are
1) i highly doubt $40,000 (my df got $10,000 after RIP (ranger induction program and that didnt come until this April and he graduated RIP in Aug)
2) Rangers deploy ever 6 months and they deploy for 3 months
3) Many soldiers that plan on going Ranger dont. because it is one of the hardest training and jobs. A lot of guys get recycled and that can only happen 3 times before they are kicked out of the ranger program.
4) Guys are very different after Basic and with all the training rangers do they change a lot and it takes awhile to be able to accept the fact that your loved one is constantly changing and he is changing without you being there. That takes some getting used to.
4) It is scary really scary to be a military wife/girlfriend. This is a great place to be if she needs support.

My name is Valerie and i would love to talk to you more if you want. Just message me.

good luck.

I married my DH when I was 19. We've been married almost 3 years now. Its not an easy life but it works for us.

I am not an Army Wife, I am a Marine Wife. But it's almost the same thing. I got married at the age of 25 to my Marine. I knew nothing about the military lifestyle. Its hard...Its damn hard! But I wouldn't change a thing. If she is going to go into this, she is going to need you! My mom was so against me marrying my DH but once she realized how much I love him, I got a lot of support from her. And still to this day, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my moms support. I wish you and your daughter tons of luck. I agree, have her come on here, we will help her!:)

I was 18 when I got married to my DH and I wasn't even out of HS yet. I agree she will make her own decision..whether you like it or not. I think it is a bad idea to down play her decision or try to talk her out of it because it will just push her away and maybe out of your life. you should try asking her if she is sure about it and just hope that it works out. My mom was worried about us and I think she thought it was a bad idea as well, but we have been married almost 3 years and are very much happy.

the money part seems iffy to me.

Me too.... Something just doesn't seem right about that.. DH has been in 12 years, and with his bonus for re-enlising last year, it was only $20,000...

I know many many ladies on here have been married young and made it work. It's very possible! I think it just depends on the couple. I know that right now, I'm too immature and selfish to be a military wife. We've been engaged for a year and a half. He had a plan of getting married right after basic training. After a year and a half of being engaged, I'm so happy we did not get married. But that's us, and we're different than your daughter and her boyfriend. I wish them luck, they'll be in my thoughts!

I think th other gals said it really well, you have my good thoughts and prayers, i think more than anything she needs your love and support, it is a hard life, but it is possible if you love someone enough and if you work hard enough at it :pray

It happens.... And a lot of the time it works...

Me too.... Something just doesn't seem right about that.. DH has been in 12 years, and with his bonus for re-enlising last year, it was only $20,000...
Yeah DHs enlistment bonus was 20k and we have only seen 7k of it, and hes been in for awhile now.

i don't know what to tell you as far as them getting married. sounds like other young wives on here have great advice.

but please beware of recruiters telling her anything about money. we were lied to like you wouldn't believe....

good luck :goodvibes

My husband and I were just married in Feb. And we're 18 & 19. We've only been out of High School for a year. Yes, we are young. But we are happy, and it's what we want. He talked to my parents before hand. While some of our family and friends think we may be too young, we still have the support from them. And I wouldn't be able to survive this deployment if I didn't have the support from all our friends and family. The ladies have pretty much hit the point. It's hard, very hard. But it's worth it in the end. Just inform her on everything. Make sure she is sure that it's what she really wants. But like they've all said.. You can't change her mind once it's set.. So just support them. It's hard, but it's do-able!

Good luck to them!!

Whatever you do, please don't talk negitive about the situation and try to be as supportive as possible. I got married the first time at 17, 2 weeks shy of 18. Of course I was pregnant , but I really think her bashing my ex drove me to want to be closer to him. I was rebelling big time. If I had to do it allover TRUST me.... ON another hand she is 18, she can do it with or without your permission.
Support her plan to got to college, give or direct her to someone who can give her financial advice. Military life can be hard. One more thing keps going through my head and it is a commercial... "You make them strong, we make them Army strong" Tht still applies to wives and soon to be wives. Hand in there....
Oh yes, welcome to the boards!

Me too.... Something just doesn't seem right about that.. DH has been in 12 years, and with his bonus for re-enlising last year, it was only $20,000...

My husband got 20k when he reenlisted the first time. He is being offered 40k to reenlist next year! I hope it happens for them.

I would encourage her and support her. Just have the motherly chat that marriage is a serious commitment and especially serious to a military member. I don't think her age has any bearing in this decision, she is just in love. We should all be so happy.

I agree with eveything the ladies have said before. But one thing I can give advice for (its not as good as stopping her from marrying him like I know you want to) but, I do recommend having her wait until he is settled into his job and duty station BEFORE she comes out there with him. That way, if it is possible, she can live with you and pocket the BAH (housing money which is pretty good) and then he can get them military housing all set up and then they will have the BAH money to cover them (if they are smart about it!!) as far as furniture and basic nesecities go as well as have a cushion to fall back on. That is the only advice I have and I wish that was what we did. I married my husband when I was 18 and was very stubborn about going out to Hawaii (where he was stationed) right away! we had it hard the first year because of that, but we worked it out and have been very very happily married for almost 3 years now. I know its scary to know that your baby girl is going to be marrying a young man at a very young age, but honestly, no matter if you are 40 or 18, some marriages last and some dont. I have honestly seen more people who marry at 30 get divorced shortly after than I have seen the ones married at 18 or 20ish. It just depends on your daughter and her heart and her strength. I wish her, you and your family all the best! Please be as supportive as you can even though it may be the hardest thing for you! She will need to know you are there for her!! Good luck!!

i'm 18. i got married on the last day of school my senior year. about 3 weeks ago. i'm not saying its for everyone. in fact i wouldn't even really recommend it, because he's been gone for 2 of the 3 weeks. it sucks and its hard. but if she loves him and she KNOWS she's ready for the craziness then there's nothing you can do to stop her. she'll need family when he's gone, really badly. just support her and him. she'll need that so much.

coming from a girl whose mom tried to change her mind, it will only push her away. I would tell her to get on here and start getting an idea for herself. I am in the military and so I know the ins and outs but being a civilian makes it much harder to understand. At 18 its hard to realize that one day your SO will be gone for 6-12 months and you may have no warning. It is very hard to deal with and it takes a lot of support to get through.

Its not necessarily a bad thing, but she may be rushing because he will be gone. HOw long have they been together?