I am curious. Now dh and I have been married for 2 years and together for 3.

You know those oh so wonderful butterflies from the beginning, do those ever come back? I feel like we have fallen into a slump. I am still completely happy and "in love" but I wanted to know. Just the thought of the way things were before makes me question if i will ever feel that way again.

I am sure some people will say they still get butterflies and dh says that but I don't believe it. I mean yes, maybe when a deployment is over for a week or so, but not on a normal day. I want to get goosebumps again, I want to have my heart race when I think about holding his hand or the thought of being with him.

Please be honest. Thanks in advance.

I haven't been married for many years... I don't think. I have been married for five. But, I know exactly how you feel. Yes, they do come back. And then they go away, and then they come back again. And the longer you are married the more often you have to really make an effort to bring those feelings back, but it is worth it.

I watched a show about the biological process of love and it explained this subject really well. Let's see if I can explain what it said in a way that is understandable... It's been a while so I don't know if I will be able to. LOL.

When you first fall in love you have the attraction phase where you have the butterfly infatuation thing going on. You know, the rush of overwhelming emotions. As time goes on, that rush of emotion is replaced with a less overwhelming but much stronger kind of love, the attachment phase. A more secure and stable feeling of love. It is not nearly as exciting, but it is necessary to move into the attachment phase for a relationship to last. The effects of the attraction phase of a relationship mirror mental illness, so the body can not maintain that phase forever. It has to move onto the attachment phase or you literally go nuts. LOL.

So, what you are feeling is completely normal. I think to transition from one to the other smoothly you have to recognize what's going on and take the time to acknowledge the good in the attachment phase. If all you are focused on is the attraction phase then you are just going to think about what you are missing and not what you are gaining. And, once you are in the attachment phase, the attraction moments you do have are SO much more meaningful than they were before you moved into the deeper more secure phase.

I hope that made sense!

i am definately attached to him. I can't live w/o him in my life. At first things were a huge struggle. We were married very quick and still getting to know eachother. We also dealt with a mc at 16 weeks. The emotions and struggles with that alone could have torn us apart. The fact that we both stuck to eachother and worked through things is termendous.

I just always get scared. My mom and dad divorced after like 5 years and 3 children (I was a baby) and then he remarried and divorced after 12 years. I feel like I am bound for it. His mom is married to his stepdad (acting father figure) and he is horrible to her and she stays. I don't want to do that either. I never want it to be convenience keeping me with him.

I have been married for 9 years and yes those butterflies to come back. You are the only one that can make them come back....You can not be worried about where you will end up, you have to KNOW that you can make anything work. Picture yourself old...think aobut him still being by your side. Don't wonder if you will end up like your parents, you know you don't want that, that is all it takes. To work on getting those butterlies back...plan an monthly date where you two can go out, just the two of you like when you were dating...have him go out while you get ready and ring the doorbell when its time for your date, just like old times. Marriage is struggle at times, but I wouldnt take a minute of mine back, those are what makes you stronger.

thanks. I am glad there is hope. I always think about us old. Having grand babies or our children getting married.

I want to do a planned date night because we get into a rut and just sit around a lot.

I have been married for 9 years and yes those butterflies to come back. You are the only one that can make them come back....You can not be worried about where you will end up, you have to KNOW that you can make anything work. Picture yourself old...think aobut him still being by your side. Don't wonder if you will end up like your parents, you know you don't want that, that is all it takes. To work on getting those butterlies back...plan an monthly date where you two can go out, just the two of you like when you were dating...have him go out while you get ready and ring the doorbell when its time for your date, just like old times. Marriage is struggle at times, but I wouldnt take a minute of mine back, those are what makes you stronger.

:yes Well said!

We have been married 13 years and together 15 and i still get them.

I have been married for 9 years and yes those butterflies to come back. You are the only one that can make them come back....You can not be worried about where you will end up, you have to KNOW that you can make anything work. Picture yourself old...think aobut him still being by your side. Don't wonder if you will end up like your parents, you know you don't want that, that is all it takes. To work on getting those butterlies back...plan an monthly date where you two can go out, just the two of you like when you were dating...have him go out while you get ready and ring the doorbell when its time for your date, just like old times. Marriage is struggle at times, but I wouldnt take a minute of mine back, those are what makes you stronger.

Yes, me too. I love my dh and can't imagine him not in my life even after 14 years.

DH and I celebrated Our 25th Anniversary in January. Last September ,We had been together for 30 Years. There is still that "feeling'' There are those stuck in a rut times, but You just have to work through them. The date nights are a great solution.

i've not been married even a year yet (june 26) but i think the important part is to keep things new, or have a date night kwim? that's one thing dh and i pride ourselves on and we will continue to do it once our children are born.

We've been married for four years and together for five. I still get butterflies. It's not a daily thing, but he can still make my heart skip a beat. The best is when he catches me out of the blue and says, "I love you, Brittany." Using my full name catches my attention, it means he was thinking about it and emphisizing it with the use of my name. (We rarely call each other by name.)

>big dumb smile< He's not even here and he gives me butterflies. I'm going to go to sleep now. Hopefully I'll have a dream about my faraway lover. (L)

We've been married for four years and together for five. I still get butterflies. It's not a daily thing, but he can still make my heart skip a beat. The best is when he catches me out of the blue and says, "I love you, Brittany." Using my full name catches my attention, it means he was thinking about it and emphisizing it with the use of my name. (We rarely call each other by name.)

>big dumb smile< He's not even here and he gives me butterflies. I'm going to go to sleep now. Hopefully I'll have a dream about my faraway lover. (L)

harrison does that to me too he's like i love you jillian

We have been married for almost 5 years together 6 and the butterflies do come back. But only when I dont expect it. Those times are special to me. They come and go but that is fine with me.

dh & I will be married 18 yrs this Dec & I still get them all the time-He is absolutely my soul mate & I can honestly say, I have never lost them at any point:):D:sweetheart:cloud9:lovestruck:smitten:wub

they come back when that special moment happends for me...dh and I have been together 8 years tomorrow and he still gives them to me...sometimes its few and far between but thas what maks them special..don't worry about it so much..trust me your time will come and it will be the best moment of your life

Married 10 years here and together for 13 and yes, I do still get butterflies sometimes. They don't come as aften as they once did, but I do still get them sometimes.

After nearly 9 years of Marriage, together 10, I get butterflies all the time. Now that he is deployed, I got a call from him I was not expecting that just overjoyed me. I was laughing and crying at the same time. While I know I could / can make it with out him, I choose not too. To use a movie cliche', My husband 100% completes me!!! He is my other half.... I honestly love him more every single day!

We've been together for 6, and married for 3. Him and I are still attached at the hip! I get depressed when he leaves for drill for 2 days, lol.

After 20 years of marriage I still get butterflies. I still get chills up my spine when he puts his hand on my back and still find great comfort in a nice, long hug. No doubt we had our rough patches, especially when the kids were little, we were tired and on auto pilot. We went through a time a some financial troubles that made things difficult for our marriage but it all worked out in the end. We know how much we love being together so we always work very hard to get through the tough spots and be as good to each other as possible. We had a doubtful beginning since we only knew each other a month before we married. People said we wouldn't last, we were both on the rebound but so far they have all been wrong.

Marriage goes through stages and phases. 2, 3, 4 years later isn't going to be the same as year 1, KWIM?

My dh and I have been a couple for 12 years and married for 8 years. I do not get butterflies everyday. But I do feel them often still. I have found that as we have grown our relationship has grown into different stages. I truly have fallen in love with my dh several times in the process.