I never liked to confide on the web any of my personal emotions..especially regarding love..but the advice my friends have given me hasn't been beyond "I don't know"..and I really hope that someone out there can give me the advice I need to at least get on with my life.

Basically, I just graduated college, and for the 2nd half of my college career I was introduced to a AFROTC man, Tom. Needless to say, I felt it was a game of cat-and-mouse..where he had a huge crush on me when I was dating my then serious boyfriend, and I had a huge crush on him when he was dating his then serious girlfriend. Timing is everything I guess... At least I think it was a cat-and-mouse game..

Either way..we stopped talking after I realized he was very much in love with this girlfriend but I finally went up to him January to say hello at a cafe in town, almost a year after we last spoke. It was PT training and he was decked out in his best :) oof. He was very excited to see me for some reason and the second thing that came out of his mouth was "Oh so, Sarah and I broke up a month ago" to which I pulled my jaw from the ground and mumbled something that might have been english.

We played the courting routine for a little while and then it stopped..and started..and stopped...but I'd always initiate..and finally a week before graduation, we finally just let all inhibitions go..basically an all-out hook-up fest. The last day of said fest (the night before graduation), he told me that he was sorry for being so distant and that the only reason he was was that he didn't know what he wanted..from life..from a girlfriend (he's being deployed to Iraq and stationed in Japan in November). He also said that he doesn't like to just hook up, and he's a romantic...

I tried talking to him a few times recently but he's been busy with work. I don't know what I should do. I've been in love with him since day one and I just don't know if he feels the same..is he running away from me because he doesn't want to get involved because of going into the service or is he just not interested in me?

I want to write to him in November..and I'm willing to not talk to him if I can at least get a conversation via letter..what could I say? Would it be psychotic to write to his parents declaring my love for him? Do I write a note and send it to him now..saying that he can only open it when he's in Japan? What could I possibly write? Would he write me back?

I'm so in love with him...I would wait for him..I would travel to Japan to be with him..but maybe this is just a stupid crush...maybe I need to get my head straight and move on if he isn't interested..

Sigh..and now you understand the reason why my user name is what it is...

Moved to Love shack...

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I think you just need to explain to him how you feel and see what he has to say. Explain that your more than willing to wait for him. All you can do is just ask honey. Goodluck!!

Ask him! Just straight out ask him how he feels, tell him you're a big girl and can take it. I don't think waxing lyrical or declaring your love for him to his parents is a good idea, at least until you know where he is in all of this. Best of luck!

i think you just need to put it out there. i definitely thinnk he's interested in you but probably doesn't want to get attached because he's leaving soon and just out of college....most people are a tad confused right out of college. i know i was. but there's no harm in just telling him how you feel before he leaves. that way if he doesn't return the sentiment, well, he's leaving. i don't recommend going to his parents. and i don't think you should go full-force telling him your "in love" right away. tell him you want to continue the relationship and you'll wait and take it from there.

The only way to find out is to talk to him. Tell him what you just told us.

Is the worry of his response greater than your desire to know "what if..." Sure you risk getting your heart broken, but you'll never know if you don't put yourself out there.

The only way to find out is to talk to him. Tell him what you just told us.

:yes

tell him what? that I've had a crush on him for 2 years? Why won't he even try to find time for me when I'm in the area? Obviously he's not intrested in me like that if he can't even bother to find time to even hang out..or even bother to spend the remaining time he has in the states with me..

Should I wait until November to tell him? He already knows my feelings for him..he never chases me..and I just don't want to tell him how I feel sooner than later because we both know hes going away. I'm tempted to write him a letter and tell him not to open it until he's on the plane or something..

Boy tell you what I don't quite get him either. But being an older person this is what I have learned from life. You gotta just tell him exactly how you feel. If you can call him and talk to him. Ask him to meet you for coffee or a drink. If you cant write him a letter and pour out your heart. Then the ball is in his court. It is up to him to pick it up. If he doesn't then he is not ready for a serious relationship. He may be gun shy because he is going off to war but you need to know for your own piece of mind. Good luck girl!!!

That's a complicated situation sounds like, I definitely feel for you. I hate those times where you don't know what to do but it's all you can think about.

I've been in those irritating "cat and mouse" relationships before and got SO fed up with it. One of the best things about DB's and my relationship is that he loves it when I tell him exactly how I feel and what I'm thinking. I love the fact that no matter what is on my mind I know he wants to hear it.

If I were you, I would probably be so sick of the wondering, and I would just lay my heart out on the line. If it is something that is meant to be, he will really appreciate the fact that you were able to do that and tell him your feelings. He'll be flattered no matter how he feels. I'm confident he'll admire the fact that you took the courage to say things, and who knows maybe he's been wanting to do the same thing himself!

Good luck:hugs

I don't know if this is love---I've been circling about it for a long time. And if it isn't, then I really can't wait for love to come my way. My then-serious boyfriend Brad and I dated for almost 2 1/2 years, until the day he hit me across the face. At that time, I was just getting to know Tom.

I remember walking out of Brad's room silently, and running to the bus stop with tears flowing from my face. My friend Craig picked me up and dropped me off at my place, and the first person I called was Tom. He ran to me, and when he opened my door, I collapsed in his arms. I never felt so safe.

That month we flirted so much. Tom invited me to his military ball...he would hug me..tell me how much he wanted to kiss me...he was eating from the palm of my hand. I didn't take any of it. I couldn't. I was still hurt from Brad. I needed time to get over it... Finally, weeks later, I was ready to kiss Tom. But I guess it was too late because he started dating someone. So, like a fool, I went back to Brad.

Ever since I met Tom, I had a secret crush on him, even when I was dating Brad. I once told Brad about my feelings for Tom, and Brad responded with a "he's just a military a$$hole, he'll never love you like I do..go back to sleep" and we'd lay back down and he'd kiss my shoulder.

But, I still had feelings for Tom.

Months later, Brad laid his ear on my heart, and asked me a question "what do you think of when I say these words?" I laughed at the randomness of the question, but I proceeded. When he said "duck", I followed with "duck goose", when he said "Mike" I followed with "and Ike", when he said "Tom"...my heart stopped. I felt breathless, and Brad felt it too. I said "...T..Tom....like a Tom Tom."

A month or so later, I went to a party, and I never felt as beautiful as I did that night. I went with my girlfriends because Brad and I were in another argument yet again...all I wanted to do was get away. Of course, the moment I get there, I see Tom....with his girl. The moment we made eye-contact, he smiled, and whispered something in that girl's ear and they both looked at me. I took a big sigh and clutched my girlfriends' hands as we walked upstairs away from him.

The night carried on and as I tried to get both boys out of my mind, Tom came up to me and put his hand gently on my back. "I just wanted to let you know I have to go, goodnight" to which I turned around, smiled and said "goodnight Tom". I went to the balcony and watched Tom and his girlfriend leave in his car.

That night, slightly drunk and frustrated, I went over to his place. I knocked on his door, and asked him if I could kiss him. He said no. Thankfully my girlfriends didn't leave the parking lot. I got in the car, slammed the door, and slammed any thought I had for him. I stopped talking to him for almost a year.

Of course I didn't stop thinking about him. He's in a serious relationship..he's happy..why didn't he just kiss me..I dreamt of that kiss. I was so mad at myself for not taking the kiss when he offered to me so long ago. "What is wrong with me?!" I'd say. All I wanted was Tom.

And this is when my first post comes in.


But is Tom the fantasy of what Brad wasn't? Is Tom the fantasy of "another man"? Or is he "the one"? He's so hot and cold--he always knew my feelings for him..yet he'd be so full of puzzles... and I can't get him out of my mind. He's the last thing I think about every night. And if he isn't, then it's only because I'm so fed up with myself and I push him out of my mind..only to have him return the next day.

He's willingly lost all connection with me since graduation..I still don't know if it's because of the military move or because of me. If it's the military move, I can't tell him how I feel now--if he's trying to lose all ties now, telling him how I feel is just going to make things worse. I'd rather give him time now, and write to him when he goes. I don't even know if he'd care.

Was I this in love with Brad? Am I just having a crush on Tom because he was a figment of my imagination? Because I'm stubborn and I can't get what I want? Is that what's projecting him to be someone more?

I don't casually date people..when I want to be with someone, I'll just know that he'll be the someone I want to spend my life with. I haven't dated since Brad, and that was over a year and a half ago. I'm the kind of woman who likes to go up in the ladder of life, very dedicated and never settling. Tom is a a lieutenant in the United States Air Force, and I doubt he will stop there. I will never be that brave as he is now. And the more I think about it, the more I want to be with him..



....I want to be like you ladies, pouring your hearts out on this forum..telling each other how to make little military cookies, sending scented letters signed with "Love" and "Come back to me soon" and "I miss you". I want to have a profile page with a glittery "I LOVE MY AIR FORCE MAN" and eventually "PROUD AIR FORCE WIFE". I want to be absolutely miserable as I wait for his return with those stupid little countdowns. I want to be in love with him. I want to take care of him...I want to listen to him as he tells me his fears...I want him to take comfort in my voice...I want him to protect me...

he is my image of a man, and I am SO scared that it will never erase from my mind..