So for a while I've been personally debating why we (I'm 20 yrs old) younger people are in such a rush to get married. I lovelove the idea of it, and definitely look forward to engagement and marriage (especially to DB :wub). But there is so much more that goes with it. Why does that gnawing feeling of wanting to marry so soon, persist?



Anybody have any thoughts on this (not about me, just in general)? I haven't come up with any answers

because we want too?

because we want too?

that's all the reason we need, of course (and i didnt mean to offend you if i did) :) im just curious about this topic in general because my boyfriend seems very far away from that idea.

I don't know if this was a general question but I was 17 days past 18 when I got married. It wasn't that I "rushed" into it, it felt natural. I had been with DH since I was 15 and it felt right to get married when we did. Not everybody "rushes" into things, so people actually plan it out and so forth and it is the next step for them.

However, the ones who do rush into it I tend to wonder what is up (especially with military guys, and call me whatever you want it is just how I think). I tend to think that the ones who rush into marriages days/weeks before a deployment simply want the money. It is not like they get the time to spend together so I usually wonder if the girl is pregnant or if they just really want the money and benefits and that is it. KWIM? Again, this is just what I think :)

i got married at 20 but i had been through a TON in my life already. i grew up fast. it felt like the perfect time for us already.

I was dating dh for just over a year and a half before I married him. It felt natural. Sometimes I still have my doubts- I think that's natural because of all the stigma that goes into young marriage.

Like this post for example. The fact that there was the word "rushed" used, and understood- means that there is ALOT of stigma that goes with this. It's quite offensive at times, so it can make one think or doubt what they actually feel- even when they *know* it's real.

I think life is too short to sit around and wait. Honestly- we don't know when we are going to die- so why should we wait to find the "one"? How do we know we will be around to find the "one". And why is it- we are told that we wont find the "one" until we are older? I dunno- once again- there is that stigma. It all boils down to this- if you are inlove with a man and he's inlove with you- and you know you can't imagine your life without him- don't wait forever, you may end up losing the only chance you have. However- don't get married unless you are sure what you're doing is going to work for you.

I hope that makes sense. It's more of a bunch of thoughts that run through my head everytime we get a thread like this- rather than a thought out reply.

i got married at 20 but i had been through a TON in my life already. i grew up fast. it felt like the perfect time for us already.

I agree, I also agree with my sweet mrsbarnum. I got married at 16, I have never looked back. (L) Frankly I am glad I am not still looking for mr. right like most women today.

I don't know if this was a general question but I was 17 days past 18 when I got married. It wasn't that I "rushed" into it, it felt natural. I had been with DH since I was 15 and it felt right to get married when we did. Not everybody "rushes" into things, so people actually plan it out and so forth and it is the next step for them.

However, the ones who do rush into it I tend to wonder what is up (especially with military guys, and call me whatever you want it is just how I think). I tend to think that the ones who rush into marriages days/weeks before a deployment simply want the money. It is not like they get the time to spend together so I usually wonder if the girl is pregnant or if they just really want the money and benefits and that is it. KWIM? Again, this is just what I think :)

From what DB has told me, there are a decent number of military couples out there who do seem to be in it for the benefits, but that is their decision. Ive always wondered about it too though :) [AND what does KWIM mean? haha it comes up everywhere and I just dont know :blush]

Maybe it is a military thing to a certain extent? A lot of my hometown friends have an unspoken I-won't-get-married-until-I'm-30 rule.

I agree that a lot of people do rush to get married, but I think the majority do what feels right for them. There are people in their 30's or 40's or older who rush into a marriage because they feel like they are "old" and want to be married like other people their age. So I think it happens across the boards, in every walk of life, and in every age bracket.

I do see a lot of military get married younger than the average, but if you think about it-the whole lifestyle is different. Military,IMO, makes people grow up quicker, too.

Lord knows I'm not mature enough to be married at the moment, but we're happily engaged and we'll continue to be engaged until I want to set a date.

I was dating dh for just over a year and a half before I married him. It felt natural. Sometimes I still have my doubts- I think that's natural because of all the stigma that goes into young marriage.

Like this post for example. The fact that there was the word "rushed" used, and understood- means that there is ALOT of stigma that goes with this. It's quite offensive at times, so it can make one think or doubt what they actually feel- even when they *know* it's real.

I think life is too short to sit around and wait. Honestly- we don't know when we are going to die- so why should we wait to find the "one"? How do we know we will be around to find the "one". And why is it- we are told that we wont find the "one" until we are older? I dunno- once again- there is that stigma. It all boils down to this- if you are inlove with a man and he's inlove with you- and you know you can't imagine your life without him- don't wait forever, you may end up losing the only chance you have. However- don't get married unless you are sure what you're doing is going to work for you.

I hope that makes sense. It's more of a bunch of thoughts that run through my head everytime we get a thread like this- rather than a thought out reply.


I didnt mean to be offensive towards anyone who married young :) Should have been more careful with my wording, because I do understand what you mean about there being a stigma regarding young marriage. That was the reason for posting really. Your thoughts did make sense though... and I really like your outlook and the questions you wrote... losing a chance to be with that person, not having to be older to find "the one," and being sure of the decision.. really well said!

Maybe it is a military thing to a certain extent? A lot of my hometown friends have an unspoken I-won't-get-married-until-I'm-30 rule.

I have friends that have a spoken and drafted(yes, drafted and signed) document saying they will not marry until they are 35 and only if they marry a wealthy man. Also, a clause saying they will never have children-if they get pregnant they will have an abortion.




And I'm totally serious. It's so weird! But I'm old fashioned and a hopeless romantic so that's probably why I feel it's weird.

From what DB has told me, there are a decent number of military couples out there who do seem to be in it for the benefits, but that is their decision. Ive always wondered about it too though :) [AND what does KWIM mean? haha it comes up everywhere and I just dont know :blush]

KWIM = know what I mean

It didn't offend me at all lol.

The thread title made me twitch but that's about it.

I don't think what you wrote was offensive. Or how you wrote it.

My philosophy is this- Everything happens for a reason. Every single thing you do puts you onto that path you are meant to be on. I think that if you did end up 'rushing' into marriage, and ended up getting a divorce.. well that was what was meant to happen. It may teach you a thing or two. Give you a better outlook on relationships, etc.

I just think there is always a positive outlook to every situation- unless you are dying or you are dead. That- I just can not understand. It weakens my philosophy abit too lol.

I was dating dh for just over a year and a half before I married him. It felt natural. Sometimes I still have my doubts- I think that's natural because of all the stigma that goes into young marriage.

Like this post for example. The fact that there was the word "rushed" used, and understood- means that there is ALOT of stigma that goes with this. It's quite offensive at times, so it can make one think or doubt what they actually feel- even when they *know* it's real.

I think life is too short to sit around and wait. Honestly- we don't know when we are going to die- so why should we wait to find the "one"? How do we know we will be around to find the "one". And why is it- we are told that we wont find the "one" until we are older? I dunno- once again- there is that stigma. It all boils down to this- if you are inlove with a man and he's inlove with you- and you know you can't imagine your life without him- don't wait forever, you may end up losing the only chance you have. However- don't get married unless you are sure what you're doing is going to work for you.

I hope that makes sense. It's more of a bunch of thoughts that run through my head everytime we get a thread like this- rather than a thought out reply.


I couldnt have said it better myself, I totally agree with you there.

We waited until we were almost 26 to get married. That feels old in the military community, but most of my civilian friends aren't married yet.

We wanted to wait until I was done with grad school so that we wouldn't have to live apart. But now we're realizing that if I want to work in my field we are going to have to spend a lot more time living apart than we had realized :(

I do think military people get married younger than civilian. I think part of it is the transient lifestyle. You want to come home to someone who will always be there for you. I dunno if that is true. I married my husband when I was just shy of 21 and he was just 19. Yeah young. We didn't date very long but it felt right. I didn't feel like I was rushing it and I am very happy that I did it. We have been married for 4 years and through 2 deployments and one hardship tour (might as well be a deployment). I don't think if we weren't happy together we would have made it this far lol.

I used to think I wanted to wait until I was 28-32 to get married... Once I was out of grad-school and done with my degrees.

But then I realized that, if I intend to have a few children, that's pretty late to get going (just for me, personally). So, now I am a lot less concerned about age because I'll be in school at some point when I get married, most likely.

As for getting married youngish, I think it all has to do with perspective. You're ('you' being generic) in love, you're happy, and yet you are still being run around with all the boyfriend/girlfriend stuffs and, especially with the military, oftentimes separated. It feels safer, more mature and more committed, the idea of being married.

And, honestly, that's why most people get married, right? For commitment. For love. So, if you happen to find that person younger, a younger marriage becomes more enticing.

Some people don't get married until 35 because they honestly didn't find that person until 35.

To hell with the stereotypes. My dad waited until he was 40 and absolutely in love, settled, and ready to get married / have children. And the person he married still ended up being crazy and they hate each other.

The idea that younger marriages fail is just as much crock as all other stereotypes. People need to do what feels right for them and be happy, to hell with society. :D

K. I'm done. ;)

Well at 18 I rushed into a marriage with a guy who ended up a drunk wife beater. By 20 I was divorced. DH and I got married at 22. It's now been 15 years that we have been together and married 13. I think it just depends on the situation. Many people have been married at a young age and things work out fine.

I got married at age 19, DH was 23. We really didn't "rush" it, but we did what felt right. I never had a single doubt in my mind that I was going to/supposed to marry Mike, so it was natural. We COULD have waited longer and stretched out the engagement, but there were many factors in why we didn't. Some were financial, some were about the life style changes we were facing (DH had just gotten back from training when we got married), some were age related. (With DH being 23, we knew we wanted kids before he got "too old" and we also knew we wanted to enjoy a few years of marriage before having a family). But the main reason we got married so young and so quickly is because we KNEW that is what we wanted, what God wanted, and what was right for us, so waiting was very painful for us to do. Oh, I was also afraid that if we waited too long, he would get deployed and something horrible could happen, and I wanted to be married to him before any of that. I'm glad we did get married when we did. We lasted 10 months before he WAS deployed. It would have been so much harder had we not been married. Well anyways...Some people are equipped to wait, we were not.

Part of the problem with getting married so young is that while it might just 'feel right' at 18 very few people have any idea who they really are & what feels right rarely is right (and yes I know people are going to get pissed at me for saying that but it is just my opinion formed from experience). People , men in particular, change sooooo much in their 20's that the person you are married to at 30 is not the same person they were when you got married at 21. That being said I think part of the reason there are more early marriages in the military, beyond just have to realistically be in a different state of mind, is that the reality of their training & jobs forces them to grow up faster.

I agree, I also agree with my sweet mrsbarnum. I got married at 16, I have never looked back. (L) Frankly I am glad I am not still looking for mr. right like most women today.

I also got married when I was 16 (he was 21) and have never looked back. We had dated since I was 14, so it wasn't just a spur of the moment thing. :giggle I'm not saying that every 16 year old is ready for marriage, but it can work if you find the right guy.

Those of you who got married at 16, bless your hearts! You must have been so mature and strong for your age, Lord knows I couldn't even cook or do anything on my own at 16!

Those of you who got married at 16, bless your hearts! You must have been so mature and strong for your age, Lord knows I couldn't even cook or do anything on my own at 16!

Im with Kara :)





Thanks for all your input ladies (L)

I agree with what some of you are saying. I am 18yrs old and married. I got married when i was 17 by choice my husband and I have been together for 2 1/2 yrs and have been through some hard ships in the past. We also had a planned child out of wedlock. We have been through trying times already but its made our marriage and friendship stronger. I dont look back in my life and think what if or only if.. Alls i think about is how happy we are together.

I had no intention of getting married until I was almost 30, if not that age. I dated someone & lived w/ them for 2 yrs from 18-20, after dropping out of 1st semester of college, and I didn't even think about getting engaged. I wanted to eventually, but not for years to come. I eventually broke up w/ him to move out to Cali...Then I got into some "trouble" and got married, but had never even thought about being w/ that guy like that and never would of gotten married had I not of gotten pregnant (stupid reason to marry).

Then, I guess since I had already been married and was in that "domesticated" mindset, when I met my current husband, I fell so in love w/ him right off the bat. I had never felt like that w/ anyone. So b/c of the mindset, I wanted to marry him as soon as we could.

Looking back, I had some growing to do & accepting painful pasts and he had some growing himself...If I could do it over, I would of waited a few years to marry him. It would of saved him & myself a lot of pain. But I guess thats life...learning & growing.

I think it's very important for a 20 something yr old to experience life first before throwing their all into a marriage. A marriage requires a lot of sacrifice on the persons part and you have to know yourself well to jump into that kind fo commitment.

There is just so much out there to see and learn. To know what its like to be an indepedent woman who sees what she is capable of doing. It's just different being on your own compared to having a partner there.

Some people are different, as some just want that husband and lifestyle, but I think there is a part in all of us that at one point in their life want that sense of accomplishment. Whether its when your in your 20's, 40's, or 60's...Our husband and children cannot make us as a person.

I have a more logical view though than others.

I am not married but thinking about it. I swore I never would...period...no age limit nothing, I just honestly never believed I would care about someone so much. The moment I met DB though I have never fallen so hard for someone. Once he walked away from speaking to me for the first time EVERYONE around us KNEW. I guess it just depends on the situation. I also agree the military is different. It makes people realize what really matters in life KWIM? I guess in the case of DB and I we both matured quickly because of our past and know what is and isnt important. I think if you are in love time doesnt matter. I dunno just my opinion.

I am not married but thinking about it. I swore I never would...period...no age limit nothing, I just honestly never believed I would care about someone so much. The moment I met DB though I have never fallen so hard for someone. Once he walked away from speaking to me for the first time EVERYONE around us KNEW. I guess it just depends on the situation. I also agree the military is different. It makes people realize what really matters in life KWIM? I guess in the case of DB and I we both matured quickly because of our past and know what is and isnt important. I think if you are in love time doesnt matter. I dunno just my opinion.

I agree that time doesn't matter when you're in love. And also with what you said about being in the military changing your outlook on things... it really does make you realize what's important and what is too silly to even worry about. Amazing what love can do to a person, huh? :happy

I think the military can kind of make a "romantic" view about love. The guy leaves a lot, goes on adangerous missions which leaves those certain feelings in us, etc.

From my experiences & what I've seen from friends and reading on here, it seems that we all jump into a marriage after a few months and then suddenly when the guy is home all the time instead of gone on deployments or work ups, it then becomes a battle. You have to learn how to live w/ this person and you have to learn how to deal w/ his bad traits.

Had you of courted for a while, you would of over time, learned those things and how to handle it...Instead you start off the marriage on a rocky edge. Some handle it, some don't make it.

That's just my take on it :lol

Ive know my husband 4 years, we were best friends before we dated, fell in love, and decided to get married. I married my best friend. I dont care if people think Im to young, or I did it because he is in the military, we got married because we love each other, and if he wasnt in the military we would have done it anyways. We both new that we wanted to be together the first night we met, we just had some kinks to work out, and our love grew out of an amazing friendship, and a love and care for each other, not only because we were dating, but because we were best friends for so long.

I haven't been through the same things, but I agree with what Rach said. Young marriages work for some people, and for a lot of people they don't. Military or not. I don't think some people know the difference between LOVE and LUST. They are often mistaken, and when you are young that is a lot easier to do. Marriage is about compromise and sacrafice, and personally I believe you should know who YOU are before you get married. It's not always the fairy tale!

I do agree with you Rach that alot of women look at miltary love as a romantic notion. And then they find out its not really like that.

But I think if you really love someone, and you want it to work, age dosent matter. You could get married at 40 and it could not work out. Its all about the individuals involved IMO

I do agree with you Rach that alot of women look at miltary love as a romantic notion. And then they find out its not really like that.

But I think if you really love someone, and you want it to work, age dosent matter. You could get married at 40 and it could not work out. Its all about the individuals involved IMO


Definitely, all depends on who those people are, their maturity (as Rach had mentioned)... and that it could work out better than a marriage later in life.


I was going to say that "first loves" might be something else to bring up, but it seems like that also has to do with the individuals involved, naivety (not saying everyone), and maturity.

I met DH after turning 18 and just moving to TX with my folks. He was 22. We dated for a bit then he went on deployment and said "we" would see other people. But we enver did!(L)He would call mw all the time. We got married a few months after he got home. I was 19 and he was 23. I marrie dhim knowing what i was getting into. I grew up a Navy brat and had known no othe rlife so I knew this was the life I wanted! I dont feel like we rushed into things. I am an only child and have been through it all before. Its not such a new life to my. My mom never kept anything from me. I was a mature 19yrs old! I think the fact that DH and I have been married for 4 yrs and he has not deployed yet is such a blessing. But i know that time is comeing and coming soon!! It has givin us the chance to grow more together and as a family. We got preggers with DS just 3 mo after being married...damn BC!:tsktsk Corran will be 3 at the end of next month and (compared to my dad who didnt even know i was born for 3 days) DH is one lucky guy and Corran is lucky too, to know forsure his daddy is here and he loves him w/o a doubt.

Anyway...Its all when your ready to be married...if you feel its right w/o a doubt then good. I wasnt sure when we got marred w/o a doubt that it would last but i know now!! And hell yeah this things for real!!:giggle