so what do you think about this phenomena of parents being more friends with their kids?










frankly i think it can be okay if your child isn't screwing up or they are over 18 and you aren't supporting them anymore. my grandma is my best friend and has been for a long time but she always knew her role of "parent"

For me i think that when you are raising your kid(s) you need to be their parent. they have enough friends. My mom wasn't ever my friend growing up, i could talk to her but at the same time I knew she wouldn't hesitate to ground me for things. Now that I am older and out of the house we are very good friends.

When the kids are adults, that's fine. But, when the kids are like 6 and the parents are trying to be friends, I think that's a bad idea. My mom used to say,"I'm not your friend, I'm your mother, you have friends at school." She is my friend now, but when I was a kid she certainly wasn't my friend.

yeah, it's definitely good when the kid is 18+ and not living at home (and hopefully, being responsible for some financial stuff) -- but imo-- it's very very bad if they are under 18 and still at home-- I think the parent is morally & legally obligated to be the parent (love & discipline, setting expectations, teaching responsibility, etc.). A "friend" just can't do those things- look at Lindsey Lohan & her mom for an example of a mom/ daughter- friend relationship-- she hasn't done her daughter any favors by being a friend, instead of a mother--
You will always have friends, but very few Moms (I only have one Mom, but know that they're our a lot of terrific Moms out there).

I am a firm believer until my children are adults, they have enough friends outside my house they don't need us. DH and I are there to PARENT them not be their best buds.

Until my child is 18 and out of the house.. I'll be her parent. I want us to have our special moments and for us to play together and laugh together, but she will know to respect me.

Personally, I want there to always be a level of "friendship" between my daughter and I. I want her to know she can come to me anytime, with anything. HOWEVER, it isn't something that I would ever let get in the way of parenting. There will be times in her life when the last thing she wants is to be my friend...I'm sure she'll be more than a little bit angry with some of the decisions I make regarding curfews, boyfriends, makeup and the like. When she's grown and out of the house, I'll be out of "parenting" mode, so a full blown friendship will be possible :yes The mother daughter relationship changes through the stages of the child's life...what matters is that I am consistently there for her, and she knows that I won't ever stop loving her and she'll never be alone.

For me i think that when you are raising your kid(s) you need to be their parent. they have enough friends. My mom wasn't ever my friend growing up, i could talk to her but at the same time I knew she wouldn't hesitate to ground me for things. Now that I am older and out of the house we are very good friends.

that's said better than i tried lol

Personally, I want there to always be a level of "friendship" between my daughter and I. I want her to know she can come to me anytime, with anything. HOWEVER, it isn't something that I would ever let get in the way of parenting. There will be times in her life when the last thing she wants is to be my friend...I'm sure she'll be more than a little bit angry with some of the decisions I make regarding curfews, boyfriends, makeup and the like. When she's grown and out of the house, I'll be out of "parenting" mode, so a full blown friendship will be possible :yes The mother daughter relationship changes through the stages of the child's life...what matters is that I am consistently there for her, and she knows that I won't ever stop loving her and she'll never be alone.

Exactly. It's all about balance.

I'm the same way with my students. I want them to know I'm there for them and they can come to me whenever they need to, but I'm their teacher first.

Personally, I want there to always be a level of "friendship" between my daughter and I. I want her to know she can come to me anytime, with anything. HOWEVER, it isn't something that I would ever let get in the way of parenting. There will be times in her life when the last thing she wants is to be my friend...I'm sure she'll be more than a little bit angry with some of the decisions I make regarding curfews, boyfriends, makeup and the like. When she's grown and out of the house, I'll be out of "parenting" mode, so a full blown friendship will be possible :yes The mother daughter relationship changes through the stages of the child's life...what matters is that I am consistently there for her, and she knows that I won't ever stop loving her and she'll never be alone.

Couldnt have said it any better!!

I disagree with the "they have enough friends outside the house" mentality.

Personally, I want there to always be a level of "friendship" between my daughter and I. I want her to know she can come to me anytime, with anything.

I totally agree with this...but you can have that and not be a "friend" active parents have that repor with their kids. My girls know they can talk to us about anything.

I disagree with the "they have enough friends outside the house" mentality.

I am not saying we don't have a level of friendship with the kids...but I am not there to be their best friend. I am first and foremost their MOTHER in the house.

I am not saying we don't have a level of friendship with the kids...but I am not there to be their best friend. I am first and foremost their MOTHER in the house.

And that's how I think it should be :yes But you can be your kids' friend without being their best friend, kwim? But you did address that in your first sentence ;)

I guess it all depends on definition. I don't like to define my relationship with my kids (at least right now) as friendship. I have a good parent/child relationship with them. Some people might view it as friendship, but for me to define it I wouldn't say friendship. That's just me.

Personally, I want there to always be a level of "friendship" between my daughter and I. I want her to know she can come to me anytime, with anything. HOWEVER, it isn't something that I would ever let get in the way of parenting. There will be times in her life when the last thing she wants is to be my friend...I'm sure she'll be more than a little bit angry with some of the decisions I make regarding curfews, boyfriends, makeup and the like. When she's grown and out of the house, I'll be out of "parenting" mode, so a full blown friendship will be possible :yes The mother daughter relationship changes through the stages of the child's life...what matters is that I am consistently there for her, and she knows that I won't ever stop loving her and she'll never be alone.

Very well said

It has been my experience that being a friend is not necessarily what a child needs when dealing with certain issues.
DD is 18 and I STILL parent her but, I can see how we are becoming friends as she grows.

I think there is a fine line between being friends, and being a parent.
You have to know when to be a parent.
It won't work with just the friendship...

I didnt read the other replys cuz i juss wanted to add my 2 cents first.

I think in some cases being more of a friend works. Now with me and my mother, it didnt. She was so caught up in being my friend that she was letting me have co-ed sleep overs, getting me and my boyfriends drunk and basically encouraging me to party without explaining the consequences of all my actions. Then I popped up pregnant at 15 and she was so upset that she then tried to become more of a parent but by then i had no respect for her & it juss didnt work.

with my kids im strict because i had my kids so early, i refuse to be a grandmother in my 30s. Right now its my JOB to raise them into respectful ladies. when they turn 18 I will be their friend.

I think a lot of it has to do with each child individually, and my perspective is and always has been and will continue to be that before a parent can be a friend they HAVE to be a parent. Children needs guidelines, discipline, love, affection, and leadership. While a parent can still be friendly and do fun friend things with their child they still need to continue parenting and leading their children. My parents parented me all the way up until I got married. They were open and I talked to them, but I never in any way felt they were my friends. They were and always have been my parents. To this day (we are more friends now) they always give their parental take on things when I call them. I was one of the kids in junior high and high school that would go to my parents after a date and just chat with them for 20-30 minutes before going to bed. I'm talking in the middle of the bed just laying there talking to them. They were not my friends, but I was always confident and comfortable talking to them... partly because my theory of give them enough information to keep them satisfied worked really well and they didn't ask questions or get suspicious! LOL, and partly because I just liked talking to them.


Anyway! That's my take on things. I hope to be able to parent my children in the same way my parents were for me!

Now that we're adults my mom and I are good friends. But when the kids are younger, there still needs to be a line drawn so that the parents can maintain their position as a figure of authority.

I defenitely want my kids to know that I am a parent first and foremost. My daughter told me one day that I was her best friend and my reply to her was: That is wonderful honey, but I want you to know there will be times when you don't feel that way. I am your parent and may have to discipline you and tell you "No", but that is how you learn and how I protect you. She understood that real well.

I'm not nice enough to be both friend and parent. :lol

Seriously, I hope that our son will consider us a "friend" and "parent" as he gets older, but parenting comes first. As long as he respects our rules and gets good grades in school, then we won't have many problems.

I didnt read the other replys cuz i juss wanted to add my 2 cents first.

I think in some cases being more of a friend works. Now with me and my mother, it didnt. She was so caught up in being my friend that she was letting me have co-ed sleep overs, getting me and my boyfriends drunk and basically encouraging me to party without explaining the consequences of all my actions. Then I popped up pregnant at 15 and she was so upset that she then tried to become more of a parent but by then i had no respect for her & it juss didnt work.

My mother was very similar to yours. Not a good situation at all. There's a fine line that can easily be crossed when you attempt to be your child's friend instead of a parent at a young age.

Kids have lots of friends, but only one set of parents. I have told my kids that I don't want them to talk to me like I am your friend, because I am your mother. Now, when they are adults, it will be a little different, but I am still their mother and they need to still treat me with respect.

Personally, I want there to always be a level of "friendship" between my daughter and I. I want her to know she can come to me anytime, with anything. HOWEVER, it isn't something that I would ever let get in the way of parenting. There will be times in her life when the last thing she wants is to be my friend...I'm sure she'll be more than a little bit angry with some of the decisions I make regarding curfews, boyfriends, makeup and the like. When she's grown and out of the house, I'll be out of "parenting" mode, so a full blown friendship will be possible :yes The mother daughter relationship changes through the stages of the child's life...what matters is that I am consistently there for her, and she knows that I won't ever stop loving her and she'll never be alone.

Agreed! Thats exactly how my mother was and we are still really close!

I think it's half the reason why there are so many children running around out of control/acting like brats. Parents take it too far. I agree with what Becca said though, I want my children to come to me and trust me. When they are older and out of the house then it can be more of a friendship.

I will be my children's parent until they move out of my house. At the point we can form a "friendship" However, I always strive to be their confidant.

While children are under the age of 18 they need a parent, first and formost. After the age of 18 (and when the child is up/out) there is a natural evolution in the relationship and I think that evolution should be embraced. My mom is my best friend, now, but was my MOTHER when I was kid.

Personally, I want there to always be a level of "friendship" between my daughter and I. I want her to know she can come to me anytime, with anything. HOWEVER, it isn't something that I would ever let get in the way of parenting. There will be times in her life when the last thing she wants is to be my friend...I'm sure she'll be more than a little bit angry with some of the decisions I make regarding curfews, boyfriends, makeup and the like. When she's grown and out of the house, I'll be out of "parenting" mode, so a full blown friendship will be possible :yes The mother daughter relationship changes through the stages of the child's life...what matters is that I am consistently there for her, and she knows that I won't ever stop loving her and she'll never be alone.

:agree

My Mom is my best friend, but didn't become so until I was grown up, living out of the house and away from home.

I do not believe parents should be friends, they should parents. You can still have fun and "hang out" and spend time with your parents/kids. As a matter of fact you should be spending MORE time with them.

You can still have fun and "hang out" and spend time with your parents/kids. As a matter of fact you should be spending MORE time with them.

If only more people realized this. :tu

IMO You can be "friendly" to your kids when they are behaving, but you still put your foot down and act like a parent.

I am a firm believer until my children are adults, they have enough friends outside my house they don't need us. DH and I are there to PARENT them not be their best buds.

:yes

Most of the time when you see parents who want to be thier kids buddy, the kids are all screwed up. Open comminucation is good but not being their friend 24/7.. there is a difference. There has to be a balance.

Personally, I want there to always be a level of "friendship" between my daughter and I. I want her to know she can come to me anytime, with anything. HOWEVER, it isn't something that I would ever let get in the way of parenting. There will be times in her life when the last thing she wants is to be my friend...I'm sure she'll be more than a little bit angry with some of the decisions I make regarding curfews, boyfriends, makeup and the like. When she's grown and out of the house, I'll be out of "parenting" mode, so a full blown friendship will be possible :yes The mother daughter relationship changes through the stages of the child's life...what matters is that I am consistently there for her, and she knows that I won't ever stop loving her and she'll never be alone.

I couldn't agree more. That's exactly the relationship I have with my mom, and the one I'd love to have with my DD when she's older.