Wanted to find out what everyone thought about wedding etiquette. If you ask people to be in your wedding, don't you go to them and find out what they can afford before you start picking out bridesmaid dresses & tuxes?

we did :)

No, I bought the outfits myself.

We probably will when we have our wedding. Just pick the color and let them pick the dress.

we had a certain budget in mind pre-asking people. we knew that the dresses wouldn't be over $150 including the alterations. we knew that was what people would be able to afford just by knowing the people (my aunt, and 2 best friends who were in college).

I think you should keep them below 100 dollars. I think expecting 100 dollars is reasonable and above and beyond the bride should budget for that, unless her bridesmaids agree.

that's how I would handle it

Well, my cousin had $600.00 brides maid dresses, and as a result, I was not asked to be in her wedding because she knew I couldn't afford it.

My husband's brother is getting married. They picked out Tommy tuxes that are going to cost $160 to rent for the day and I've expressed to her on several occasions that we can't afford that and his older brother can't afford it either. I've tried to talk her into different tuxes (reasonably priced) or just buying a suit that they could later use for that amount of money. Here in our area, "regular" tuxes can be rented for about $75... so that's over double what we were expecting to pay. I tried to talk to her about it over a month ago and she really acted like she didn't care. No one has paid for the tuxes and both his brothers are still trying to talk them into suits instead but it's like she's mad that they want to change. The wedding is now two weeks away and even though she knew about it over a month ago, she's saying now that it's too late to change. I think it's rude personally.


Plus... she mentioned me singing about two months ago but never uttered another word about it until I finally just flat out asked her the other day. She said that yes she did want me to sing but hadn't picked the song yet... HELLO... I have to learn it!! She still hasn't gotten me music or told me what she wants me to sing even after I basically begged her to hurry up and decide. And then, her ring bearer's mother just found out through the grapevine that he was in the wedding... she never called to ask her or talk to her at all but the wedding is in two weeks.

It sounds like she doesn't want to get married. She is sabotaging her own wedding, hoping it won't actually happen.

Somebody needs to sit her happy ass down and draw out a list of what is still not done. If she seriously wants to get married, she'll have this worked out.

Otherwise, she might have a breakdown and call it all off...but that is just ridiculous.

You could always pick out your OWN song to sing...and tell her to shove it! :lol

I don't think that it's fair to ask people to be in a wedding party and expect them to foot the bill. After all, they were asked to be in it. Shoot it's bad enough that they'll be wearing gawd awful prom dresses :lol

I think it is common respect to ask. I would. I didn't have the wedding I wanted but I was going to go to JCPennys or something like that and let them pick it out. Something they will wear again.

you should say screw it and have him wear his dress whites if he still has them lol.

I think it is common respect to ask. I would. I didn't have the wedding I wanted but I was going to go to JCPennys or something like that and let them pick it out. Something they will wear again.

I thought it was too... common courtesy out of respect for those who you asked. I just am really miffed by her getting pissed off at ME saying that something about it and tell me that this is stressing HER out. :whatever I told her that she can't say that she didn't know because I told her over a month ago that it was a financial problem for at least two of the three groomsmen. She didn't call and talk to them or anything, she just basically ignored it which said to me that she didn't give a shit if it was hard for us to pay or not.

It sounds like she doesn't want to get married. She is sabotaging her own wedding, hoping it won't actually happen.

Somebody needs to sit her happy ass down and draw out a list of what is still not done. If she seriously wants to get married, she'll have this worked out.

Otherwise, she might have a breakdown and call it all off...but that is just ridiculous.

You could always pick out your OWN song to sing...and tell her to shove it! :lol

What a mess! I think it would not be a bad idea at all to pick out a song & suggest it to her & see what her reaction is- how fast she gets back to you-
Otherwise, tell her if she can't get the song to you by such and such date, you don't feel like you'll be able to have enough time to rehearse before performing it.

also, just show her or the groom a picture of the $75 tux that is similar to the groom's tux and tell her that both brothers will be renting & matching- they're not paying double, if they want to pay for your husband's tux, that's fine--I would maybe not even talk to the bride at this point about it & go directly to the groom- it's his wedding, too

When I asked my bridesmaids to be in my wedding, I asked all of them what they could afford and then we all went and picked out a dress together that they liked and I also liked and we could afford. It worked out great. I also asked them 6 months in advance so that they had time to get the money saved, etc