harrisonsdream
08-04-2007, 01:51 PM
DEAR ABBY
Woman doesn't need to apologize to bully
By ABBY
Universal Press Syndicate
Dear Abby:
While I was growing up, my parents made fun of and belittled me. Everything I said was "ridiculous" or wrong in some way. I was also teased at school by the other kids, and my parents wondered what I was doing wrong to cause them to tease me. I was told to "grow a thicker skin" or "get over it." No one understood how much it hurt being picked on all the time.
Over the years, I've learned to look the other way when I feel bad because I know most people probably don't mean it. But I recently defended myself against a co-worker who took everything I said and turned it into a joke. We were with a group of people, and everything I said seemed to be simply hilarious. I was embarrassed and hurt because when I asked her to stop, she just laughed and said, "I can't help it! You leave yourself wide open!"
I became angry and told her she should hang out with others who like to joke that way, and that not everyone thinks her kind of humor is funny. I ran into her the next day, and when I greeted her, her response was, "Frankly, after your little outburst, I have nothing to say to you!" She hasn't spoken to me in a week. Now I feel guilty for having spoken up. I plan to write her a letter of apology. I never intended to return the hurt she was giving me — just to make her aware of how she made me feel.
Was I wrong to say anything to her in public? Do I owe her an apology, or was I justified? Her behavior was immature. I just wanted her to stop, not destroy a relationship with an otherwise nice person.
Lily in North Dakota
Dear Lily:
Don't write your co-worker an apology. She is the one who should have apologized to you — immediately — when you asked her (nicely) to stop ridiculing you. She's not a nice person, she's a bully — and I'll bet the other people she has ridiculed were cheering you on.
Interesting, isn't it, that when you called her on her rude behavior she became hypersensitive? A person who dishes it out should be able to take it — and frankly, you showed better manners under the circumstances than most people would have.
Dear Abby:
I just learned through a good friend of mine that "someone" sent out a mass e-mail to all my friends complaining that she wasn't invited to my wedding. This person is a friend of a friend. I don't have her phone number, e-mail or address, and we haven't seen or spoken to each other in more than two years.
I never enjoyed hanging out with her because she loved to lay guilt trips over every little thing. This is just another classic example. How should I handle her behavior?
Anonymous in Nebraska
Dear Anonymous:
Ignore the mass e-mail. The person you describe may have emotional problems, one of them being a fixation on you. You are under no obligation to invite this person to your wedding. And if she pops into your life in the future, avoid her. She's trouble.
www.DearAbby.com
Woman doesn't need to apologize to bully
By ABBY
Universal Press Syndicate
Dear Abby:
While I was growing up, my parents made fun of and belittled me. Everything I said was "ridiculous" or wrong in some way. I was also teased at school by the other kids, and my parents wondered what I was doing wrong to cause them to tease me. I was told to "grow a thicker skin" or "get over it." No one understood how much it hurt being picked on all the time.
Over the years, I've learned to look the other way when I feel bad because I know most people probably don't mean it. But I recently defended myself against a co-worker who took everything I said and turned it into a joke. We were with a group of people, and everything I said seemed to be simply hilarious. I was embarrassed and hurt because when I asked her to stop, she just laughed and said, "I can't help it! You leave yourself wide open!"
I became angry and told her she should hang out with others who like to joke that way, and that not everyone thinks her kind of humor is funny. I ran into her the next day, and when I greeted her, her response was, "Frankly, after your little outburst, I have nothing to say to you!" She hasn't spoken to me in a week. Now I feel guilty for having spoken up. I plan to write her a letter of apology. I never intended to return the hurt she was giving me — just to make her aware of how she made me feel.
Was I wrong to say anything to her in public? Do I owe her an apology, or was I justified? Her behavior was immature. I just wanted her to stop, not destroy a relationship with an otherwise nice person.
Lily in North Dakota
Dear Lily:
Don't write your co-worker an apology. She is the one who should have apologized to you — immediately — when you asked her (nicely) to stop ridiculing you. She's not a nice person, she's a bully — and I'll bet the other people she has ridiculed were cheering you on.
Interesting, isn't it, that when you called her on her rude behavior she became hypersensitive? A person who dishes it out should be able to take it — and frankly, you showed better manners under the circumstances than most people would have.
Dear Abby:
I just learned through a good friend of mine that "someone" sent out a mass e-mail to all my friends complaining that she wasn't invited to my wedding. This person is a friend of a friend. I don't have her phone number, e-mail or address, and we haven't seen or spoken to each other in more than two years.
I never enjoyed hanging out with her because she loved to lay guilt trips over every little thing. This is just another classic example. How should I handle her behavior?
Anonymous in Nebraska
Dear Anonymous:
Ignore the mass e-mail. The person you describe may have emotional problems, one of them being a fixation on you. You are under no obligation to invite this person to your wedding. And if she pops into your life in the future, avoid her. She's trouble.
www.DearAbby.com