during your SO's deployment? :confuzzle


I feel very guilty and uncomfortable saying this... But I think I have hit that point where I am sort of realizing that I am going overboard. :duh Anytime I go anywhere, I always see something I want to send to my SO. I will go to WalMart for a couple things, and end up spending $100 on stuff for him. I sent care packages to my SO this past Tuesday and Saturday. And even with the flat rate boxes, the postage costs add up. And phone calls... eek. He got a cell phone over there that has free incoming minutes, so I always call him. I don't even know yet how much I ran my phone bill up at first, but now I got a calling card. I think it is 20 cents a minute... but that adds up.... say we talk for 30 minutes, a couple days a week, with 45 more weeks of him in Iraq... that's about $25 a week = $1000+!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I am sort of hoping that I don't embarass myself by miscalculating that, but I am also hoping there is an error.... :paranoid) And, my big brother is over there too, and I send him a care package every other week, sometimes every week. It is easier to pace myself because I know that my SIL is sending him stuff all the time.

I just can't help myself. I hate the way deployments leave you feeling so powerless. I can't protect him, I can't make everything ok, I can't do all those things I could do when he was here with me. But I know I can still make him smile and brighten up his day a little with mail and phone calls. Can you put a price on that? And even worse, I really hate thinking this and admitting it, but I make myself friggin sick every time I get off the phone thinking that it could have been the last time I ever talk to him. :tears Or the very very few times I have missed his calls, I completely freak out because I think it may have been the last time he will ever call me. :tears

I mean do I just say F it? Spend whatever? Live in the moment? Worry about my credit card later? That is not me though. I am damn proud to say I have no debt. It's not because I roll in the dough, it's because I have always been so careful about what I spend my money on, and I have always been so focused on saving.

I am so torn. Either way I feel like crap. I just don't know which is the lesser of two evils. :sigh

:worry I want your thoughts, opinions, etc..... pronto!!! ;)

I know. I spent $132 just this past month on text messages alone for DF. I about died when I got that bill! It doesn't include the basic cell phone charges....that's JUST texts to him! I've spent a small fortune for care packages too. I start to feel guilty...because that money could be better spent elsewhere. But I can't do without talking to him...or sending him stuff! I'm addicted to him! LOL!

I don't know that there's any good solution...other than the fact that he'll be home at some point, and your spending will slow down tremendously!

:) But for now, we're in the same boat!!! It does make me feel better to know I'm not the only one!!!

Somehow I always end up overspending when he is gone.

I think as long as all the basics are covered, go a little crazy and spend what you want. They apreciate it and you can always save again when he's back. One tip though, if you have good credit, see about a new credit card with zero percent interest for the first year or 6 months even. That can help save interest costs. I just mailed out a package with over $300 worth of stuff in it today. I know what you mean about spending a lot on your guy. But they aren't home, and so by sending them a few things to brighten their day and or make things more bearable, isn't it something you need to do? Am I crazy?

i send db a package a month. i didn't realize til the last 3 packages that i could use the flat rate box. I LOVE IT! i probably spent $40-50 on each box, plus postage...then there's all the cards & letters i sent. i spent a fair amount on stationary & stickers too.

ugh i know how you feel!!! i spent wayyyyy too much money on his care packages too. I was sending one every week for about 3 months or so. i just would buy him whatever i thought he would like. then he would sometimes ask me to get him things. razors are expensive!!! but i didn't care how much i spent really because i knew it was the least i could do for him. toward the end tho i just sent him cards and letters though because he didn't need anything else. he sent me a box of stuff that i had send him :lol

as for the phone, with us he calls me from his computer so it's really cheap 0.01 a min!! and if he has to go to the mwr it's with his calling card, that he pays for minutes on.

i think if it makes you feel better to buy him the things and send him the boxes then it is okay. if you can afford to do it then i would do it! that's how i looked at it, i sent him those things because i could and because i wanted to and because i hate that he's there!!! also, for your phone bill maybe you can change your plan so that you won't be going over your minutes, that could save you money for sure!! :goodvibes

I do the same thing... I've sent him 1-2 boxes each week since he deployed in December. It's the only thing that makes me feel like I'm still taking care of him in some way. I know it makes him feel good, but honestly, it makes me feel even better. I try to stick to flatrate postage too, it's ridiculous how much postage has went up this year.

I sent DH and DS care packages twice a month-

and I didn't use very big boxes- I spent maybe 50 dollars a month for both of them-

I really tried not to go over board sine we were saving to buy a house-

I guess have a a goal- plan to start saving for a vaca or R&R-- and just have a budget- and stick to it-

we did not text or call- I wrote an old fashion letter every day and mailed them 3 times a week. and I bought cute little cards saying I miss you-

it is really nice to get a letter from home- instead of a text....

I go overboard all the time. I send him a package every week and it adds up. It makes me feel closer to him to do those things though. Like even though he is across the world I feel closer to him. Now when I go to the grocery store or Target, I just think about what he would want instead of me! I'm trying to do more for myself though now!

Hmmm, I think I'm a little different since my hubby's on a sub so I can't send him packages when i want to and even when I can it's only a clear 1 gallon ziplock bag so I don't spend much at all. All he wants is magazines, gum, candy, letters, and pictures. I SAVE a ton of money when he's gone since we don't go out to eat without him and of course I don't gamble, so...

I've gone overboard some too with the care packages. When school was ending for me in May there was a point where I had cut it too close, almost didn't have enough gas money to get home hehehe:)

I agree with everyone else, I feel so helpless most of the time, and sending him things makes me feel better mostly because I know it helps him through the rough times.

Lately I've really focused on writing letters to DB, with a few surprise packages thrown in there this summer. Once I get to school again I will start up with the bigger packages!!

I think what I'll do is try to send one bigger one a month, and really pump out the letters. That's what DB enjoys most. And besides, he gets R&R in about 3 months so I need to save money for that!! Before we know it we will be buying them christmas presents!:) .....now that will be a fun care package to do:D

I know DH was worried about me going nuts while he was gone so we set up a bit of a budget. As long as I'm working, I get my entire paycheck to spend on anything I want(food and gas included) and the money left over from his pay goes towards stuff for him(packages or clothes or anything I see that I want to send him) and stuff for the house, with $200 going into savings every 2 weeks. Since I'm not working right now, I get $300 every 2 weeks to spend on me(out of his pay) and the rest is the same. This way I get to buy stuff for him and do some stuff around the house, and I can do whatever with the money I make(this includes going home to visit or whatever I want) and it works out REALLY well for us because we can also save money to pay off bills. I recomend something similar-I don't regret spending a few hundred dollars on him every 2 weeks, but he only wants a package every 2 weeks because otherwise he says the junk piles up:P that and his mom send him one the 2nd and 4th week of the month, so he still gets somethign EVERY week.

If he was really upset about it, then I would stop. If he asked, or cared. I'm sure he's no rock - he has to know what kind of money you're putting into it. I do the SAME thing though - even when he was in school, I bought him a phone, all his school supplies, cd's, books, games, etc so he would have things to do, and things to remember home by. I don't think you even want to KNOW what I spent getting pictures developed. I'm pretty sure he has pictures of home from every DAY he was gone, lol!

I don't know, like you said, if you can make this time better, it might help him adjust when he gets home, too. And if, God forbid, he gets killed there, you know he knew he was well loved and cared for. There are so many guys who NEVER get mail. Ever. I'd rather be the guy in debt than the one on the front lines wondering where my family went.

I'm guilty of spending money on DB's stuff for mail drops.... last time I sent him an Mp3 player and some other goodies... but I justify it by telling myself that it's money we would've spent on dates & things if he were home. :)

I have spent alot of money on a few of his packages. Most of the expense was stuff he needed though. Like contacts ($70 a box) razor blades ( $15 a box) stuff like that. I send him shampoo, hair gel, socks stuff like that. I mainly try to send snacks. I send two boxes a month. Around each pay day. That makes it easier for me to A) remember to have them ready B) actually send them and C) not go crazy buying stuff for him.

I know he enjoys them but he spands alot of money on himself. His ship has been to port 6 times since they left. Plus he takes out money to buy pop (and other stuff I hope. Otherwise thats a LOT of pop hes drinking!)

I spend a lot, but I figure it's worth it. I know what you mean about not being able to do much besides talking on the phone and sending packages. DF gets upset that I spend so much because he knows I stress about money, and he just sent me some money for all that I have bought him. Hehe...I'm going to save it in my bank account for when he gets back and he will be surprised that we actually have money saved to start our life together! :)