Are you "overprotective" of your child?



I have a teenaged (13) daughter and for the most part she is a good girl. Her choice of friends in the past has been less than desireable and I have since remedied the situation and got her more involved in more productive outlets and helped her choose better people for friends. For example she went to the movies and came home with "hickies" and not just on her neck, not once but twice, so I grounded her from the movies. She was asked to go and today, and she did let get to go, but during our disscussion I got , well so and so thinks your too "overprotective"..That kind of "stung".... I feel that yes I do do need to be more protective, because of what she had done in the past. I made some bad / poor choices in my life and really don't want her to follow the same path. So if I am overprotective than so be it, that doesn't make me a bad parent, but a concerned one.....

It's better to be over protective than under protective. I have a 16 yr old cousin and he father lets he do what ever she wants, stays out, doesn't let him know what she's doing, and who knows what else. She has no dicipline. Who knows what will happen to her.

I'm all for being overprotective... more power to ya!!!

I dont think you are.

Hell yes I am.
And I would careless who the f thinks so or not. Its my child. They are my responsibility until they are 18. And what they do is a reflection on me and my parenting.

If Grayce were to come home with hickey anywhere on her person, she will have bars put on her windows, and a security door (like the ones that are usually on front doors) where her bedroom door use to be.

Yeah they may not get to "experience" alot, but OH WELL.

I don't think you are being overprotective at all. If I'd come home with a hickie at 13 I wouldn't be allowed out for months!

i can't say much on your side of it since i am only just now 19, but i remember being that age and wanting to do stuff and my parents were very protective, i was mad at the time, but now that i look at it i really think that had they not been that way who knows where i would be, but by their dedication to stay strict and even when i would yell and cry and slam my door they stood by it and i feel i am a great person for that today, i truly would not want any less from my parents they were great for what they did, and went through, sorry for the book i wrote...

You are far from being over protective Heidi...........your doing what any good mom would do at your dd's age:yes. Seriously, you could be doing like what my mom did and not let her go to the movies by herself at all. Trust me...I will be doing the exact same thing with my dd when she is that age:yes

I'm overprotective. I admit it. She doesn't deserve to go to the movies if she cant behave herself.

Yep, I am quite overprotective of our son. My DH says that I need to lighten up on it, but whatever...I'll do what I feel is right for my child.

I think you are doing the right thing for your daughter. The word "overprotective" is not a bad thing, it means you're a loving and concerned parent IMO.

You are not being overprotective at all. I wish my own mother would have been overprotective of me!

I'm overprotective yes. I don't think it's a bad thing. It can when exercised in it's extreme but that is not the norm.

I don't think you are. I always said that I would try to give my daughter the trust she deserved until she proved me wrong.. Sounds like you did.. but never thought about what I'd do once she DID prove me wrong. Keep on keepin on honey.. I'm sure it's going to be hard, teenagers are HARD, I remember when I was one.. and there's really no right way to raise them sometimes.. especially when they're pushing their trust and luck.. :hugs :hugs :hugs You're doing the right thing.

I'm very overprotective of all of my children. My oldest is 15 now, I still need to know who she is going to be hanging out with or if there is a party, she is going to, I need to know who is also going. She gets annoyed with me sometimes..........but she has also told me that some of her friends wished their parents cared as much, as to what and who they were doing or hanging out with, as we do to her.
I can only imagine what I will be like once she gets her driver's license. :)

Having a daughter that turns 13 in a week...NO you are NOT overprotective. She is 13...not 16, 17 or 18. She is still YOUNG even though she is a teenager.


If my daughter came home with hickies all over the place not only would she NOT be allowed to go to the movies again with that set of so call friends, the guy that gave her those hickies would have no lips left to suck with.

Having a daughter that turns 13 in a week...NO you are NOT overprotective. She is 13...not 16, 17 or 18. She is still YOUNG even though she is a teenager.


If my daughter came home with hickies all over the place not only would she NOT be allowed to go to the movies again with that set of so call friends, the guy that gave her those hickies would have no lips left to suck with.
:agree

I think its better to be over protective then not protective enough. Especially given she has hickies. Ugh. Dont feel bad, stand your ground!

I think you are doing the right thing for your daughter. The word "overprotective" is not a bad thing, it means you're a loving and concerned parent IMO.

I agree completely! Like the others, I would rather be overprotective than not involved at all!

I am overprotective & I will be the first to admit it-I have that right, I am the parent & I would be livid if my child told me that so & so thinks I am too overprotective because as parents, we only want what is best for our kids & we only have 1 chance to raise them right-I think you should ignore the statements of the other kids & keep doing what you are doing Heidi-Your doing a good job & that person was WAY out of line IMPO-Good luck sweety!

Protective yes but not overprotective. And I don't think that grounding her for coming home with hickies is overprotective, at 13 she doesn't need to be getting hickies from someone.

She is 13....if the trust is gone...so are the bonus that go with that. you are not over protective. She lost that right. Tough beans to her.

I know that I am overprotective. And good for you for being that way. I think I would have told my dd that her past behavior had not left me a whole lot to trust her with going to the movies in that situation again. That is just me. Good luck with everything though.

I'm all for being overprotective... more power to ya!!!

:agree:agree:agree

i think with the circumstances you listed and her past history you are doing the perfect thing. i know i will be protective of my child (yes duh) and will be overprotective if she/he gives me a reason too.

I actually don't think I am. Now this could change when he is MORE on his own.

With Anya I am very very over protective about who her friends are. She may get to run the street and culdesac without me out there but between me, our close friends, and the group she plays with I know where and what she is doing at all times. Just like I know what their kids are doing as well. And as she gets older I will only continue to get worse on her because to me she is my "baby princess". No other way around it. She is my only girl. The boys, Ill admit I am not as over protective as I am with her.

See I don't think I am but I get looks fom my MIL when we're home and John will tell me sometimes I need to lighten up and stop being so overprotective. Well, actually, he says I need to get the titty out of their mouths. I can't help it though. They're my babies and don't want to see them hurt.

I'm sure the teachers and coaches will all be glad once they no longer have my kids so they won't have to deal with me. I'm constantly getting ahold of Breanna's teachers for something. And I stay for her whole cheerleading practices. I'm the team mom so it is important I stay anyways but even if I wasn't I would still be there.

This one drives John up the wall; I won't let her ride the bus. I'm too scared of having my 6 year old on there with 12-13 year olds. I also walk her up to her school and wait there with her til she goes in. The first day of school a little boy came up to Breanna's teacher saying he didn't know where he needed to be. The parent dropped him off and this kid didn't even know the name of his teacher. And he was maybe 1 grade ahead of Breanna. Oh, and all the kids to the school wait outside with their class til the bell rings and then they walk in together. So this poor boy was walking around with all these people running around since it was the first day lost and no parent there to help him. Sad.

I also won't let her play outside without me. Alot of this has to do with her though. The 1 time I have at this house she hid from me. I was running around the house, inside the house, screaming for her. I seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack. All of a sudden I came in the front foor and she was walking through the back of the house. I ran up to her and asked her if she just came in. She said yes and started laughing saying she could see me the whole time. I still have no idea where she was hiding. At my in-laws my nephew who is 9 always wants to play with her outside and I'm pretty much in the window watching or out the door watching. My MIL must think I'm nuts but their yard isn't fenced in and my nephew likes to take off up the road to the neighbors alot.

The one thing that irritates John right now the most is I won't put Evan in his crib. I sleep in the living room with him since he still wakes during the night. John is always saying "just put him in the damn crib already". But I don't think it is time so I haven't and won't be for awhile.

Ok. There is more, I'm sure, but I'll stop there.

Heidi: I think you are doing exactly what you should. I know how it stings. John has mentioned some of his friends think I'm too overprotective. But you know what? She is your daughter and you're protecting her. Looking back I wish my mom would have been more protective with me. So you just keep on raising your daughter the best way you know how and forget what others have to say about it. If they don't like it so be it. She isn't their daughter.

I think there is a limit on being protective. If your child is being hovered over all the time, they are going to rebell and not know how to act when the time comes. My parents instilled trust issues. When I was 8 I was riding bike all over town, going to the park when I wanted, when I wanted. Granted it was a small town, but I do believe that at a certian age you need to cut the apron strings a bit. You can't protect your child from everything. They need to learn from mistakes. As a parent, you need to be there...but they have to venture out on their own and learn. You can live your life through them.

JMO

Ahhh 13.. way to young for hickies... man... I would be completely devistated. You are doing the right thing.

You're not overprotective.. I wasn't even allowed to go anywhere at 13.

My kids are still young and I am definitely more protective of them, than a LOT of parents around here.

I'm overprotective. I feel that in this day and age, you kind of have to be. I certainly don't want anything happening to DD, especially if it's preventable, and I will do everything in my power (short of bubble wrapping her and never allowing her to leave her room..lol) to make sure her safety is priority number 1! I don't care if people roll their eyes at me-at least I know I'm keeping MY child safe and heaven forbid something happens to their kid because they weren't as careful. Sure, accidents happen, but if they're preventable, then they shouldn't happen or at least reasonable care should be taken....

I don't think you are overprotective at all. Seems like you are doing the right thing!

When I was 8 I was riding bike all over town, going to the park when I wanted, when I wanted. Granted it was a small town, but I do believe that at a certian age you need to cut the apron strings a bit.

Things have changed a lot since then. I know even as young as 4, I was playing outside with my friends the same age in front of our houses and in OUR STREET WITHOUT parental supervision and all the parents involved were fine with that. We'd stay outside all day without anyone watching us and come in when it got dark.

But it's a different time now with a lot more seedy people, more kidnappings, rapes, and other crimes , more people who are selfish and don't slow down through neighborhoods, etc. Sure some parents still do that, but in this day and age with all the things that happen more often, I think it's irresponsible. You HAVE to be more protective to an extent because of the increase of crimes, especially against children....I agree that apron strings need to be cut, but it should happen later in life than when we were kids and at a slower rate because of the increase of dangers out there...

I don't think you are being overprotective at all. If I'd come home with a hickie at 13 I wouldn't be allowed out for months!

I agree! I am an overprotective mama to the tenth degree. My son is only 4 months old but I am so overprotective and I know that it will likely continue to be that way as he gets older. My mom was extremely protective of me when I was the age your daughter is and yeah, I hated it then but I am grateful for it now. I didn't have to deal with some of the challenges my friends did as we got older because I kept my head on straight. So I say more power to you!

Opinion of a 17 year old:

:onsoapbox You're being a mom and sooner or later she'll appreciate it! I made a pretty large mistake at that age that I wish I could undo for the life of me, and I wish my parents would have noticed the "warning signs" before I got in that far. (No, I don't feel like getting into detail). If I were you, I'd be going to the movie WITH her until she earned my trust again if I saw a hickey! Kids are growing up WAY too fast, and they need a firm hand to keep them from making huge mistakes. There's time to be her friend later, right now you need to be her mother and if that means a few "I hate you"s and a lot of "you're so overprotective!" along with "You ruin everything!" from her, that's teenagers for ya. *steps off her soapbox*

I'd suggest, after both of you are in a "good" mood (ie: not fighting about anything recently, not "that time of the month"), take her out for a "Girl's Day" of doing something fun together, and then have a heart to heart about why you have issues with her coming home with hickeys. Keep your tone welcoming and not domineering, and don't back her into a corner with accusations or assumptions. If you haven't had "The Talk" yet, do it now.

:hugehug

If you ever need another viewpoint or any more suggestions, feel free to PM me.

Mine arent old enough yet, but i'm really overprotective of my younger sister. I'm only 19 and i got married young (17), but I done alot of things i wish I shouldnt have done before then and even though my parents were pretty strict sometimes I wish they would have been more so. I hated them being strict, but now i'm so glad they were, there is no telling where I would have ended up. My kids may hate me when they are older, but once they become adults they will see why I done it.