My bf is going to be deployed in a few months. My question is, in the time before a deployment, did your significant other try to distance him or herself from you? I'm curious because it seems like that is what my bf is doing. Lately he never wants to go out (we used to go out at least once or twice a week) and just wants to watch TV all the time, or sleep. He hardly ever talks to me, and when he does he just talks about whatever TV show/movie he's watching at the moment. Right now he's at a 2-week class in another state, and I've tried to call him every night, but I can tell he's not listening and is watching TV because all he says is "um" and "OK" and he never even says he loves me anymore. I thought maybe he was just worried about the deployment, but I don't think that's it because he volunteered to go, and has said he wants to go. I wonder if maybe he is trying to distance himself from me, to make it easier from me or something. Or maybe we are just growing apart, but I hope that's not it because I really love him. It sucks though, because we are going to be apart for a long time and I already feel like I'm all alone. Any thoughts?

A lot of guys do that. I would just give him some time. I am sure he will come around eventually!

I did not experience that but I do know it has happened to a lot of my girlfriends. It sucks but you just have to hang in there. They have so much going on and sometimes they feel distance will keep their feelings hidden. You just have to be there for him no matter what because you know he loves you and is going through a rough time.

A lot of guys do that. I would just give him some time. I am sure he will come around eventually!

Maybe he will... but by the time he comes around he will be leaving... *sigh*

Maybe he will... but by the time he comes around he will be leaving... *sigh*

Ya, and that really sucks. If it is bothering you a lot, I would sit him down and face to face talk to him about it when he gets home from his training. Let him know how he is making you feel and take it from there. Hopefully he is just nervous and wont be like this once he is gone.

I did not experience that but I do know it has happened to a lot of my girlfriends. It sucks but you just have to hang in there. They have so much going on and sometimes they feel distance will keep their feelings hidden. You just have to be there for him no matter what because you know he loves you and is going through a rough time.

Thanks, it's good to know I'm not alone at least. I just wish there was something I could do. It's frustrating!

Yeah he did, there is a "cycle of deployment" that you all go through before and when they return.

For me my DH didn't do that we just acted like everyday was a normal day. Till the day he had to leave anyway that day was not normal since we were both sad. :(

Yeah he did, there is a "cycle of deployment" that you all go through before and when they return.

Yes there is, I think there is 5 steps or so. Here's a link (I hope it works) if you have not seen it already: http://www.hooah4health.com/deployment/familymatters/emotionalcycle.htm

it's natural for them to do that. The week before my db left was hell. It had it's great moments but then he would flip out. You aren't alone in that feeling. Just stick it out and try not to take it personally. It's easier said then done I know!

Some do that. It's normal. In our case we nit pick over EVERYTHING in the weeks before a long deployment.

it happens a lot. don't be surprised if you guys start fighting and stuff too... it's kind of a "it's easier to leave someone/have someone leave if you're mad at them" situation. those 5 stages of deployment that someone else mentioned explains it a lot better than i could though. :goodluck :hugehug

Yes, DH did distance himself a bit before he went away. It was hard to understand at first. He didn't distance himself from DS though, which was good, that would have hurt more. Keep strong!

Yes DH was very distant before he left for the last 2 deployments. We'll see how he does this time!

DF was fine up until the day before he left. He suddenly distanced himself. I finally confronted him (nicely), and he said he was so worried that I wouldn't want to wait for him...or that I'd meet someone while he was gone. It just kept playing on him...the fear that I would "change my mind." I just kept reassuring him that everything would be fine, but he was still a bit distant. Once he got to Iraq and got settled, we started communicating even better than before he'd left. Just give it time...it will all work out. :)

I did it more then he did...

I also picked fights for no reason.. I was mad that he was going, and I took it out on him...

We both did it this time. Didn't make the goodbye any easier though, and I regretted letting it happen. He's been home for R&R already, and we were able to "make up" for putting distance between each other. It's normal.

My wife attempted to distance herself from me but it didnt work. I saw right through it and we talked about it and all the fears she had and I expressed my concerns as well. It is normal for a person that is going to be away from loved ones for a long time to push them away. It is not a good feeling but all you can do is communicate with him/her about it.

Hmmmm I read that 5 stages of deployment and that was some good information. It really explains everything and though it makes reference to a soldier it can be for any of the depolyed people of all branches.

We didn't go through anything like that but I've heard its common. I agree with USNFFG52. Communication is all you can do to get through it.