Alright ladies, I need some major guidance. I am trying to think with my brain, but with the engagement and and DF deploying, I can't help but think with my heart.
Let me fill you in. Df is stationed in VA, I am living with my parents in GA. We are 7 hours apart. I am going to school here, tuition is paid for due to what's called the HOPE program (based on if you have a 3.0 GPA than the state covers your tuition, that's it). I don't have any rent, and my tuition being paid for are the only good things right now. :cp
Moving right along... We were planning to have the wedding in Nov. of 2008. So in one year. Just keep that in mind as I keep whining.
I can't stand it here. I know I am not alone, but I am alone. Without Df here, I feel like I am. He is my best friend of all things. And I know this is what we signed up for when he joined, but fuck, at least we could be living together in between deployments right? I want to move up there with him. And he wants me to as well. He won't get BAH till we are married. I will take a semester off while I get moved up there and settled.
I want to know, is this a stupid decision. I know I am fully thinking with my heart, thats why I am asking for help. Df deploys in Feb for 7 months. I am not worried about being in a new state all alone. One of our friends is already in VA with her fiance so I wouldnt be alone. But I am tired of living the "college" life, so you would say. I know I am only 21. I have friends here, but I hate to say, I wouldnt terribly miss them. My best friends are all away in other states/cities going to college anyways so I would definitely go visit them (but they aren't the ones I am discussing). I would come and visit, and them come visit me. But they are still wanting to live the crazy, wild life. They get upset when I don't want to go out every night, every weekend. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fun, outgoing crazy girl, Shit I have my tongue pierced.. But I am tired of going out to the bars, going out to the clubs every night. I am ready to just have my family. Sit down and relax for a little while. Finish my school. I have always been studious, so I am not dropping out, I am still going to enroll in a university up there, which we would most likely get a student loan for.
I want to get away. We used to live together, and once you are on your own, trying to move back in with "mom and dad" just doesn't work. I can't do it. I hate being down here alone. I realize he will be leaving soon, and I have to plan the wedding up there, so I will making many trips down to GA, but I am willing to do that. I am just ill and upset all the time down here. I can't focus and am forever thinking about how I want to get away.
Am I irrationally thinking? :sadeyes I understand it will be difficult with him gone, and a place on my own, and no one (but my one friend) and I don't know my way around. Sidenote: my father will be coming home from Iraq and he is stationed in VA as well at the same base so he would be there for some time.
Please someone give me advice.. I can't take it anymore.. and I am 21 years old.. Isn't this what we are supposed to do? Spontaneously live our lives happily? Well.. I am not happy right now.

I totally get what you are feeling. BUT, no. I don't think you should stop going to school right now. And ya know, 7 hours is nothing. You two could meet up constantly if you wanted to. DH, when we were first dating, live 9 hours away and drove up almost every single weekend.

You have a good thing going with school and rent right now. Don't rush into things just yet. :)

I totally get what you are feeling. BUT, no. I don't think you should stop going to school right now. And ya know, 7 hours is nothing. You two could meet up constantly if you wanted to. DH, when we were first dating, live 9 hours away and drove up almost every single weekend.

You have a good thing going with school and rent right now. Don't rush into things just yet. :)

agree.

Well, then, call me crazy, but I say go. I am 21 and live out in CA. I live on my own, but I have a great apartment and pay such a small amount for rent, it's ridiculous. I live 5 minutes away from work...but I live 2000 miles away from DB. Yes, 7 hours and 28 hours is a big difference, but I made the decision to go to TN to be closer to him. When you got married, would you not be moving anyway, taking the semester off school and doing everything you are considering doing now? What is the difference between now and waiting?

Again, maybe it's just me. But I'd say do it. I leave on Monday to go to my new home in TN, away from anybody I know, my family, everything. But I did it because I figured if not now, then when? What is so big that is stopping me from going? You know?

Sorry that my answer is conflicting with everybody else's. But I believe in taking a leap of faith for love. And I know I am going to make it. Just keep yourself to your resolve to take only a semester off school. When you get settled, GO BACK to school. Have a blast, enjoy DF before he deploys, and keep in close touch with your family.

As a side note - have you spoken to your parents about this? Would they be supportive in this move? Something to consider...

how close are you to finishing school?

sounds like you have a lot of issues to consider on both sides. best of luck in your decision. if you are getting "burned out" by school, a semester off could be a good idea. i know that worked well for me while i was in college and helped me to finish successfully. having tuition paid for is such a blessing, though...knowing you wouldn't have to start your married life with that debt might be a great thing.

Go for it! It sounds like it will be a new, exciting experience for you! Once you get married and have kids you won't have the opportunity to be so spontaneous, so why not do it now while you can?

I understand your situation. I'm 21 and getting married in 1 week, but I am staying behind to finish school (I have one year left!). Before my DF joined the army we had been living together for 2 years. But now I am back at my parent's house. It was very hard to moving back home. I believe that it is what has helped me stay sane. It is hard, but what is one year out of the rest of our lives. I would not do it any different.

Life is full of hard decisions, I hope you make the one that will make you happy.

I totally get what you are feeling. BUT, no. I don't think you should stop going to school right now. And ya know, 7 hours is nothing. You two could meet up constantly if you wanted to. DH, when we were first dating, live 9 hours away and drove up almost every single weekend.

You have a good thing going with school and rent right now. Don't rush into things just yet. :)

I totally agree. Finish school.......you have the entire rest of your lives to be together and since it sounds like you have an amazing set up right now at home with school/rent etc stay there, take advantage of it and prepare for your future.

Good luck!

How much longer do you have left in school? I'd think that, at 21, you're pretty close to being done, right? My advice would be to wait it out. He's deploying for seven months anyway, that will almost eat up this whole school year. Your tuition and housing are free, your DF will be gone soon anyway, and you've got school to focus on. I would (and personally am) wait it out. If you still wanna get married before he goes, that doesn't mean you have to move either.

But, I do feel your position. It is definitely hard going back to living with family after you've been living with him, and it's hard not living with him between deployments. But, you're almost through school (assumedly), and it's only a few years (or less or more, right?), then you guys have forever together.

Obviously, you'll make the decision that feels right for you two. But that's my two (or ten) cents. Good luck with everything!

Well, then, call me crazy, but I say go. I am 21 and live out in CA. I live on my own, but I have a great apartment and pay such a small amount for rent, it's ridiculous. I live 5 minutes away from work...but I live 2000 miles away from DB. Yes, 7 hours and 28 hours is a big difference, but I made the decision to go to TN to be closer to him. When you got married, would you not be moving anyway, taking the semester off school and doing everything you are considering doing now? What is the difference between now and waiting?

Again, maybe it's just me. But I'd say do it. I leave on Monday to go to my new home in TN, away from anybody I know, my family, everything. But I did it because I figured if not now, then when? What is so big that is stopping me from going? You know?

Sorry that my answer is conflicting with everybody else's. But I believe in taking a leap of faith for love. And I know I am going to make it. Just keep yourself to your resolve to take only a semester off school. When you get settled, GO BACK to school. Have a blast, enjoy DF before he deploys, and keep in close touch with your family.

As a side note - have you spoken to your parents about this? Would they be supportive in this move? Something to consider...


I technically have about 2 years (4 semesters) left of school before I would graduate. I will graduate. I never planned on dropping out and never going back, I love (I know, kind of retarded) going to school and can't wait to begin my career. I would just take a semester off to get settled when I move, spend the time with him before he deployed, get into a university up in VA and find a job.
I agree.. If I was going to do it then, then why not now? But I also understand everyone else's advice, that is why I had asked. I do understand financially it is nicer to wait. But my studies also faulter. I can't live at home any more (there are minor family issues), so I would either get an apartment here until he came home, or move up there. Growing up in this town, it's time to get away. But only 2 out of 9 so far said go for it.. :suspect
It's just hard because with his job, even if they aren't deployed, they go out on these "cruises" for a week or so, he has duty on weekend's so he can't come home, so they only way I would see him over the next 3 years is if I lived with him. Since he was in basic back in January, I have seen him 3 times, 2 times were weekend trips that I went up there and he couldn't spend the night, and the last was when he came home on leave.
I just don't know how you ladies do it if you aren't living with them.. I can't take a break from him for 4 years. :tears

I'll trade you places with you any day! If I could go to school and everything was taken care of, I think I'd be done right now. Take your time and finish school. I see education as something that you can always fall back on if something in your life doesn't work out. I work full time and try to attend school full time, and pay for everything myself because in CA they say that I make too much to receive any sort of aid. I luckily have my certification and my AS degree as well as experience to fall back on if I were to ever get married and things didn't work out but I prefer to have my BS before I make any huge life altering decisions. I'll take 7 hours over oceans and 14hrs any day! :wink Everything will work out, don't rush it.

i say go!! i stayed with my parents while my df was away and i seriously regret it.. but thats just my opinion :)

From what it sounds like, though, you wouldn't see him all that , even if you were there - just saying.

I dunno. I have two years left of school too (and I just want them over with so we can live together and this weekend every few months bs can be over)... I know I said that you should wait 'cos you do have a good setup here, and you never know how long you'll end up taking off... But, honestly? I'd probably move down to him in a heartbeat if I could figure out how to manage it (other factors are kicking at that opportunity). So, do what you feel is best. If you can do it, maybe it is the best decision for you...

Thank you so much ladies... Df and I talked last night for a long time. Im driving up there over Labor day weekend and we will look at apartments. He had a budget made up already and financially, it will all work out. No, we wont live like rockstars, but who does? We will be happy, and my studies and me personally won't fall even if he is gone.
I'm going!! Thank you again girls, I don't know what I would ever do without you girls and being able to get both sides of everything!

Good for you!! I was going to vote that you go!!! It sounded in your first post like you already knew what you were going to do anyway. :)

Good for you, I would have done the same thing, LOVE IS POWERFUL. I was 20 when I married my DH and I don't regret it at all. Good Luck

OKay so are you in my head?! I mean really? My DB is in NC and I honestly would love to move down to be with him, but I am in VA/MD For one more year. I think you should stay at your school and tough it out. I know its gonna be a bitch, and living with our parents is going to kill us, and we feel like we have noone we can talk to. I mean truly girl I am in your shoes whole heartedly. Not only do I have one more semester, my tuition went up and my parents are making me stay at home :tears I am going to die. I am also 21 and I am ready to get married to. I am tired of clubbing and partying and all that. Now that I think about it lol MOVE UP HERE, you and I can be best buddies LOL :lmao ROFL but seriously finish up school, you will have the rest of your life to live with your DF. That and you will have the degree which makes life a lot better :) If you need anything PM me cause I feel your pain!!! I go every night wishing I could move, but knowing that staying home would be the right decision! :) :hugehug

I don't know if I said this earlier in my post.. I am going to finish school. Im not taking a year off or anything. I still have 2 years left because of I switched majors.. I am just taking a semester off to plan the wedding and move and get settled and get registered in school. Plus teachers get paid more up there than down here.. Woo hoo!

i would stay and get your schooling done :hugs

Good for you!! I would already be living with DF but I have a child to think about... So I couldn't just up and move like that. Just make sure you go back to school. And if you take classes next summer it would be like you didn't take time off at all. :)