My husband just left last night and I feel "fine". I know everyone reacts differently to deployment but I've seen and heard of spouses getting totally depressed the first week or so but I on the other hand feel OK. I don't know what to make of it. I mean the anxiety of the deployment got to us both, mostly me and I would yell and get mad at him and really preferred to be in another room where he wasn't in, this was for about 2 weeks before he left. I'm not happy/celebrating or anything but im not completely sad either, I know that must sound so horrible but I don't know. I'm so confused. I love my husband, we both trust each other, I truly care about him and pray for his safety and all that but I just don't know. Has anyone ever had this experience? Help!

:hi :welcome

It's good that you are dealing with it so well. It doesn't mean you're heartless. It just means that you are coping well. Keep up the good work! :)

It's been my experience as well. This is my DH's fourth deployment, and I've felt fine every time he left, for about a week. And it's then that I fall apart, and sit crying and do the depressed thing for a bit. I do the same thing after R&R. I think that with the tension and anxiety that builds up to a deployment, it's almost like releasing a pressure valve. Doesn't mean that y'all aren't in love or you're glad he's gone. Honestly, when he left this past January, they changed the date on us like 5 times in a row. When he did leave, it was almost a relief, because than I could start dealing with it, if that makes any sense. And we always fight before he leaves too, it's just normal.

its normal however you react its just your way of handling it just be proud you have been calm but dont be afraid to cry..and fighting is normal and not only cuz of anxiety i grew up in the military and my dad and mom would start to draw in and fight like that right before he left its there way of emotionally seperating themselves and my husband did it too right before he left

I've had a few spouses call me heartless and worse because I didn't get hysterical or anything like that. I saved my crying for when I got in the car, then I went home and slept for most of the day. Everyone deals with it differently and IMO, it doesn't do any good to freak out or get hysterical or sit at home depressed all month long. So I keep in mind that DH would want me to be as productive as I can, and try to keep myself busy. It's good that you're dealing so well! And don't worry about the haters:P

I wasn't sad for the first week or so when DH left...I just started getting sad and wanting him home recently. DH is usually the one who does the fighting and being in another room before deployment though. He did it this deployment for over a month which sucked.

Ha you sound like me. When Matt left I cried when he left and that was it. I'm honestly fine and everyone and their mom is like how are you fine?!? I'm like I just am! I know I have the strength to get through this and I know that crying and losing it does nothing to bring him back home.

That is how I reacted to my husband's deployment at first. In fact, most of the time I was "fine" - I only broke down every once in awhile. I think what my mind did was put up these huge barriers that made it so I didn't even have to think about anything...if I were to let those barriers down and let in the emotions, I would have exploded. However, now that he's home, it's still difficult to break down my barriers and let in emotion again - but..that's how I deal with deployments...

It's good you are handling it so well!!! But it doesn't really matter how you handle it because it's going to be different for everyone. For me I will bawl the whole time saying goodbye and then in the car on the way home and then probably sit in the shower for 30 min to an hour just crying. Then I'll get out and get dressed and probably pass out to sleep for a while and then the next day it's back to work, back to TRY to make things normal to make the deployment go by faster.

:hugs

That is how I reacted to my husband's deployment at first. In fact, most of the time I was "fine" - I only broke down every once in awhile. I think what my mind did was put up these huge barriers that made it so I didn't even have to think about anything...if I were to let those barriers down and let in the emotions, I would have exploded. However, now that he's home, it's still difficult to break down my barriers and let in emotion again - but..that's how I deal with deployments...

This is also my husband's first deployment and I totally agree with you about the barrier thing, I think I've put them up since we found out he was leaving which didn't really make the last 2 months very pleasant. I have moments when I would just start crying, things would come to mind and I just totally break down.

It's been my experience as well. This is my DH's fourth deployment, and I've felt fine every time he left, for about a week. And it's then that I fall apart, and sit crying and do the depressed thing for a bit. I do the same thing after R&R. I think that with the tension and anxiety that builds up to a deployment, it's almost like releasing a pressure valve. Doesn't mean that y'all aren't in love or you're glad he's gone. Honestly, when he left this past January, they changed the date on us like 5 times in a row. When he did leave, it was almost a relief, because than I could start dealing with it, if that makes any sense. And we always fight before he leaves too, it's just normal.


Well I can totally relate to that now. The stress level was just soo high before he left coz they kept changing his leave date like 4 times. The anxiey kept building so it was definitely a relief when he did leave. But just this morning, after I had emailed him about how totally "fine" I was feeling, I just broke down in tears. I kept thinking how hard it was gonna be not knowing anybody ( we've only been here about 5 months) that I even contemplated moving to his parent's (whom I totally get along with).

Thank you ALL for replying, it definitely helped knowing others have gone/going through the same thing.

Look in the Location forum... there are people from everywhere in here. You would be surprised! You will get to know people :)

That is how I reacted to my husband's deployment at first. In fact, most of the time I was "fine" - I only broke down every once in awhile. I think what my mind did was put up these huge barriers that made it so I didn't even have to think about anything...if I were to let those barriers down and let in the emotions, I would have exploded. However, now that he's home, it's still difficult to break down my barriers and let in emotion again - but..that's how I deal with deployments...


Thats kinda how I am... I was sad and cried the night he left, I was a wreck. Emotionally, physically, everything. I cried and cried. The next day I didnt cry at all. I was driving with his mother back home. Then the following day he called,and I lost it. Then after about 10 minutes I was ok. Helped that his mom was there to talk to me, and keep my busy. Later that day after I got home, I cried, and was teary. I was worn out from the drive, I was worn out from saying goodbye.

Then I got a little depressed for a few days, sad, crying. And now Im like whatever for it. I just kinda feel numb. I miss him, but I dont think about it as much. The only thing I really think about is what to send him, when to send it, and writing letters to him about whats been going on here, how my days are and such.

Other than that, nothing. I feel super numb, and like a bad wife, becuase Im not emotional. But I also havent talked to him for over a week, and I really think that because I havent talked to him, is why Im not really thinking about it.

I think what you are going through is fine, you love him and miss him, but you are dealing better that others.

It's been my experience as well. This is my SO's fourth deployment. I've always been strong and he laughs at me how I'm so 'matter of fact' and not all emotional like our friends wives. I just try to be strong for him, and this time as soon as he let go of my hand I just lost it. Then since we were 15 hours away from home I tried driving, but stopped due to fatigue and somehow fell asleep for 10 hours. I usually feel ok for about a week, the second/third week depression sets in, then i can usually focus on getting things done and trying to make the time pass. Everyone handles deployments differently!!

there is nothing wrong with being fine :)
dont compare your reactions to others' reactions. as corny as it sounds, we are all different and therefor all cope differently.
and we all know we'd rather be fine like you, than the messes some of us are.

The first time he left, he dropped me off at my car (I can't get on base without him so he has to pick me up/drop me off) and I gave him a hug & kiss goodbye... I was fine for maybe 2 weeks then got kinda bummed out.... I just kept telling myself that it'd all be over quick & I'd see him soon. :)

This time I got to see him once before he left. I gave him a huge hug & kiss goodbye... then he left 2 days later. This is the longest patrol he's been on since I've known him and I still have a couple more weeks left.... but I've only had maybe 1 or 2 super lonely nights. I just make sure to keep myself super busy and occupied with other things, so I don't sit and dwell on him being gone.

:hugs

Ha you sound like me. When Matt left I cried when he left and that was it. I'm honestly fine and everyone and their mom is like how are you fine?!? I'm like I just am! I know I have the strength to get through this and I know that crying and losing it does nothing to bring him back home.

same here...