According to the mandatory seminar we went through today.. He's not in need of a counselor, he just needs time..

The spending, the purchacing of fully-automatic weapons, the nastiness, the thoughtlessness, the flat-out RUDENESS is all part of readjusting.. They pulled all us spouses into a seperate room, and told us that patience is the key.. They told us not to take ANYTHING personal, because the guys don't mean it..

They told us that the way we are treated now, is the same way our guys treated eachother in the sandbox.. Unfortunately, because of the length of their deployment, it's going to be especially difficult for them to transition back into their old lives...

DH's BB wife and I have become pretty close through this.. She had shared in class about an experience that she has been having... Her hubs is an NCO, and since coming home, one of the PFCs in his squad has pretty much MOVED IN to their family's home.. The PFC is afraid to be on his own with out his NCO to protect him, and tell him what to do.. This 19yo has been mowing the grass, re-roofing the house, washing the cars, cleaning the garage because he can't survive without his NCO to give him orders......

She was told that it's normal.. she was also reminded (:lol) that part of supporting her husband, is to support and help the other members of his squad adjust.. So she's basically been told that she has to be the second mother to this PFC because he has no one else to help him adjust...

We were asked about our experience driving to the seminar.. DH and I had a 3 hour drive, and I can attest that when he drives, it's a bit scary.. He'll literially try to push other cars off the road, then get angry when they don't move out of his way...

We were told that the reason it's so scary, is because when we set out on our trip, my husband's brain considered it a "mission"------NOT a road trip... He doesn't think of things as a trip in the car to go to the Mall of America.. He thinks of it as an operation that must be completed successfully, and failure isn't an option..

So, basically, there are 2600 Minnesota National Guard soldiers running around the state who are SERIOUSLY messed up from a 2 year deployment and are driving the streets like a bunch of trigger happy, high-speed, "HOOAH" screaming nutjobs..

But IT'S NORMAL!! :freakout :freakout

We were told to let them carry sidearms if it helps them to adjust, we were told to be patient when they act crazy, and if they don't come around in a year--- YEAH! 12 FRIGGIN MONTHS OF THIS CRAP---then, we should be concerned..

They even told us that the guys may abuse alcohol for a while, but that's normal too. :screwy I thought that was odd......

All of us have been thrown into this terrifying situation where were told to deal with it, smile, be patient.....:banghead

He's lucky I love him so much.:wub

wow girl-wow:hugehug

OMGosh!! I'm so sorry!! I really have no other words then that!! :hugehug :hugehug

It's amazing how quickly they just let things go. I could see a 3-6 month window to let them adjust but a year. That could cause even more damage if nothing is done!

I'll be praying for you guys that he will come around sooner rather than later and will start adjusting better to his "new" life, I guess you could call it. I couldn't imagine dealing with my hubby this way. He was bad enough after 5 months last year.

Good grief!

I dunno hun- what's normal about a deployment being that long? So screwed up..

Sorry hun, I hope he starts adjusting better soon. It must be so hard on you.

It's amazing how quickly they just let things go. I could see a 3-6 month window to let them adjust but a year. That could cause even more damage if nothing is done!

I'll be praying for you guys that he will come around sooner rather than later and will start adjusting better to his "new" life, I guess you could call it. I couldn't imagine dealing with my hubby this way. He was bad enough after 5 months last year.


It's weird, it wasn't exactly what I was expecting to hear either... It's kinda like they blew everything off and tagged it as "normal" under the pretense that if we, as spouses, can't deal with it then our marriages failing is our fault for being bad wives..:puzz

At least, that's what I walked away with...:shrug

That's what it sounded like to me as well. I would think after supporting them through all you've supported them through and trying to help them adjust as best as you can being treated like shit shouldn't be a requirement.

I'm so sorry Lefty!!! I hope things get better soon!!!!

Never been in the situation, but I'd be worried about the guns. What she is saying to you is "we'll right now he is not at his sharpest mentally, still acts as though he is in a combat zone, but it is alright for him to be carrying a gun, and buying a fully automatic weapons...
I would definately get a second opinion on that part. It sounds dangerous for all involved, or anyone who may cut him off in traffic.

wow, i can't even imagine...you are so much stronger than i! i'm glad that you were able to be reassured that his behavior is "normal", though, as bizarre and frustrating as it may be. good luck!!

wow lefty...wow...this is kinda sick but that makes me feel a little bit better, knowing that that is considered normal. i appriciate you posting these things so much..i dont know if you know that!! my db is just starting to act like a lot of that..the drinking etc. and it's been really hard since he's back in nc and im in mi. he ignores me, he's thoughtless, and it hurts...a lot. i dont mean to threadjack your post but i know how you're feeling, it's not fun. and my db was gone a lot less time then your dh.

anyway hang in there you are a great wife, and strong woman!! im glad you are making it through, and hopefully you will get your husband back sooner then later!! (L) (L)

Good grief!

I dunno hun- what's normal about a deployment being that long? So screwed up..

Sorry hun, I hope he starts adjusting better soon. It must be so hard on you.


Ya know, Simone.. :sigh

I'm starting realize that this life that we live as military spouses isn't normal at all...

The only things that seem normal to me is this website, discussing things like LES, TDY, the duty free shopping at the PX, the proper way to launder an ACU, and laughing at things like "the camo closet"..

We're an effed up bunch of broads, aren't we.... :no

wow, some of that made me laugh, some of it made me get a little sad but i'm glad to know that it's :quotenormal:quote. i'm here if you need me

wow lady :hugehug

DB developed a pretty serious alcohol problem when he came back last time, I'm kinda scared for how it will be this time:( ......to me some of these things may be considered "normal" because all of the guys coming back are reacting the same way, but in no way should these actions be dismissed! To everyone else the things they're doing AREN'T normal:(

Ya know, Simone.. :sigh

I'm starting realize that this life that we live as military spouses isn't normal at all...

The only things that seem normal to me is this website, discussing things like LES, TDY, the duty free shopping at the PX, the proper way to launder an ACU, and laughing at things like "the camo closet"..

We're an effed up bunch of broads, aren't we.... :no



I'm realizing that everyday!!! :hugs

It sounds dangerous for all involved, or anyone who may cut him off in traffic.

I really don't worry about the whole weapons thing... He's trained to the hilt on how to handle one.. 22 months of being threatened with an article 15 for unlawful discharge is probably so deep rooted in his brain, that he'd never react wrongly with it..

Right now, he just seems content to sit on the couch and clean it.. And after spending $900 on a DPMS Panther .223, he had damn well better take care of it.. He bought a new gun safe today.. Electronic keypad, 600 pounds.. It's being delivered sometime next week..

The driving thing frightens me ALOT!!!!! I spent alot of time on the freeway telling him "I'M NOT LOOKING! I'M LOOKING AT THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW! KNOCK IT THE HELL OFF!!"

I think he's starting to understand a little, but it's CLEARLY going to be a very very very hard habit to break. I remind him constantly that he's easily the most dangerous thing on the road, and the only person who's going to get hurt is the car that's 6 inches away from our front bumper... He gets upset very easily at the other people on the road...

i appriciate you posting these things so much..i dont know if you know that!!

:hugehug thanks doll........ I think I know... :wub

I post these things because I'm hoping that if there's someone else going through the same thing and might need someone to relate to, that they're not completely alone...

I'm hoping that if others know that they're not alone, it might help them.. Brandi's site seems to be a great resource for reaching out to others.. I just hope that if there are others going through the same thing they might know that they have somewhere to turn..

It sucks to feel all alone, KWIM?

Wow girly, I hope things start looking up.

I seriously hate to hear that, and I cant imagine what you are going through. And to think in 18 months I could be going through the same thing

I really don't worry about the whole weapons thing... He's trained to the hilt on how to handle one.. 22 months of being threatened with an article 15 for unlawful discharge is probably so deep rooted in his brain, that he'd never react wrongly with it..

Right now, he just seems content to sit on the couch and clean it.. And after spending $900 on a DPMS Panther .223, he had damn well better take care of it.. He bought a new gun safe today.. Electronic keypad, 600 pounds.. It's being delivered sometime next week..

The driving thing frightens me ALOT!!!!! I spent alot of time on the freeway telling him "I'M NOT LOOKING! I'M LOOKING AT THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW! KNOCK IT THE HELL OFF!!"

I think he's starting to understand a little, but it's CLEARLY going to be a very very very hard habit to break. I remind him constantly that he's easily the most dangerous thing on the road, and the only person who's going to get hurt is the car that's 6 inches away from our front bumper... He gets upset very easily at the other people on the road...



:hugehug thanks doll........ I think I know... :wub

I post these things because I'm hoping that if there's someone else going through the same thing and might need someone to relate to, that they're not completely alone...

I'm hoping that if others know that they're not alone, it might help them.. Brandi's site seems to be a great resource for reaching out to others.. I just hope that if there are others going through the same thing they might know that they have somewhere to turn..

It sucks to feel all alone, KWIM?

I hope everything works out for him, and I am sure time and support will bring him back to his old self.
Big hugs to you for caring enough to be concerned for him!!!

That is seriously unnerving that they are telling you its normal. Thats just insane! I have a friend whose husband spent 7 months in Iraq for the 3rd time and came back doing a lot of what your DH is doing. (her DH was fine the 1st 2 times.. he was one of the first Marine units to go during the start of the war too) She thinks he has PTSD and I wrote a paper on the subject years ago, he refuses to seek counseling so its undiagnosed. If you ever need to talk just know that I am an nonjudgmental ear/eyes to talk to. :hugs

:hugehug to you lefty. It's really sad when what seems weird to everyone else is actually :quote normal :quote. It's a shame they don't have what is normal for a wife to experience. That what we are feeling about what is going on makes us "normal"

thats all so scary...
i dont really know how to react.
i hope he gets better more quickly than just an hour though

Never been in the situation, but I'd be worried about the guns. What she is saying to you is "we'll right now he is not at his sharpest mentally, still acts as though he is in a combat zone, but it is alright for him to be carrying a gun, and buying a fully automatic weapons...
I would definately get a second opinion on that part. It sounds dangerous for all involved, or anyone who may cut him off in traffic.

:agree
That's what I was thinking.With that kind of adjustment who the heck thinks it's normal to carry guns at all. What about PTSD? Has anyone mentioned this. If someone needs to move in with someone because he can't feel secure otherwise I would say that is a problem that needs to be delt with. The gun thing? Needs to be delt with. I am not saying anyones not normal but IMO 2 years in a combat zone should be an automatic "see someone".

Thank you for posting this. It made me really sad to hear all that you are going through, but I am glad you have HERE as part of your normalcy! I am so sad for you that you have to deal with this. It must be hard and I am going to be praying for you A LOT. You are one tough cookie to be faced with this and dealing with it as you are. :hugs

My BIL left for "no less than 15 months" today and I am sure my SIL is going to need a bit of heads up on his behavior changes. I'm not going to tell her just yet. She is still getting over the shock of him being gone.

:hugs

Oh Lefty,
First I think you should go into comedy writing, because I laughed so much reading your post.

But secondly, I think the military has never got its act together on treating our guys when they come home - if they knew what the hell they were up to, we wouldn't have all these vets completely f'ed up 5 years later - on the streets, depressed, lost etc.

I'm in the humanitarian field and I tell you we take it all wayyy more seriously - our people have to take 3 weeks R&R out of the zone every 6 weeks, and obviously don't get in situations anywhere as dangerous or stressful as our soldiers. We insist that they get 'reintegration counselling' when they come home, and behaviour therapy too if they're not adjusting well.

It seems absurd that the military just leaves the families to try to support and reintegrate our soldiers when everyone with a head on their shoulders can see how destructive it is to do the transition without proper support.

Of course its 'normal' to act the way they are acting, in the sense that its what you can expect after what they have been through. That doesn't mean that it should be left to 'sort itself out' without help. Its like saying if you're in a car crash its 'normal' that you might break your leg, and if you do, just hobble around and let it heal as best it can!

Anyway, I can see I'm going to be facing the same nonsense when my DB comes home and I'm already upset at how the military refuses to take their responsibilities to look after us and our soldiers properly.

Sending you hugs and hoping you'll get him to get some counselling to help him adjust anyway.