Alright ladies, I need some advice. Df and I were talking about what to do about a wedding and I'm confused. He goes on deployment this coming fall, which leaves us not too much time to plan a wedding. But, we want to be married before he leaves so that we can get the benefits of being married, like insurance and separation pay and things like that. I know a lot of you have been in this situation, so I was wondering what you think about our idea. My family is from NY and his is from CA and we live in VA, so where to have the wedding? :nutts We think that we want to just go to the courthouse or something and get married before he leaves for deployment and then plan a big wedding when he gets back. We want to have it in California because we have to make one of our families fly no matter what and my side is smaller. Then I tell my mom and she says, well then you do realize that only me, your dad, and your brother will be able to come (my grandmother refuses to fly). It's like, this is MY wedding, not yours and I do realize that, but what else does she expect me to do? I'm so confused. This should be fun, not stressful. :irked Any suggestions?

Do what you and your DF want to do. If you two want a small wedding now and then have something bigger for the rest of the family, do it. If you two would want it to be in timbuktu thwn do it. This is about the two of you and not about your families. YOU have to like the wedding and nobody else.

Because of your current location and the fact that your families are on seperate coasts, and you said yourself that you don't really have a lot of time to plan for a big wedding right now-- I would say pick a date and a place for your big wedding (exactly the date and place that YOU and your DF want) and let everyone else know. That way, they all have time to get time off from work, get plane tickets, etc. And as for your grandparents -- my grandfather can't fly because of heart problems, so they always take the train. It takes longer to get somewhere, but this is your wedding, the day that is considered "the biggest day of your life". Talk about all the other ideas/plans you have for your wedding, but get the invitations out before the deployment, and then I would get married through the courthouse now and have the big wedding when your DF gets back. I hope all that made sense. :)

Because of your current location and the fact that your families are on seperate coasts, and you said yourself that you don't really have a lot of time to plan for a big wedding right now-- I would say pick a date and a place for your big wedding (exactly the date and place that YOU and your DF want) and let everyone else know. That way, they all have time to get time off from work, get plane tickets, etc. And as for your grandparents -- my grandfather can't fly because of heart problems, so they always take the train. It takes longer to get somewhere, but this is your wedding, the day that is considered "the biggest day of your life". Talk about all the other ideas/plans you have for your wedding, but get the invitations out before the deployment, and then I would get married through the courthouse now and have the big wedding when your DF gets back. I hope all that made sense. :)

Yeah, I thought that by giving that large amount of time that then they could all plan for the wedding ahead for plane tickets, etc. I'v flown to TX and WI for other weddings in my family, so I think they can do the same for me. Thanks for the advice.:)

I agree... it's your wedding... it's wherever you want to have it and whenever you want to have it... your parents need to realize that and there are alternate ways of transportation for them other than flying. Having a small courthouse wedding before and then the big wedding after sounds like a good idea.

No problem!:) See, my Dh and I did/are doing the same thing. We had an extremely small wedding, that I can't even really consider a "wedding" when we got married. My family is all in Oregon and just about all of his family is in Iowa(his Dad, stepmom, & sis are here in CA), so now that we're planning our "big" wedding we're trying to make it far enough out that it will work with his Navy schedule and it will give our families enough time to plan for the travel. We're in San Diego, and I'm pretty sure we want our wedding in Palm Springs. :mrgreen

I'm sure everything will work out perfect for your wedding! Good luck, and CONGRATS!!! :mrgreen

Wedding = do what you want. Don't listen to what anyone else says (including me, LOL), because the ultimate decision is what makes you two happy.

I'm in the minority here. I think that the courthouse quickie/big wedding after is not a good thing (trying to say this democratically). I think that if you love each other, and you want a specific date, then wait for it. If you get married for "the benefits" you're essentially getting married for the money. If you just want to have a JOP, that's one thing, but I think the whole "two weddings" thing is way overdone. JMHO, though.

In retrospect, DH and I both wish that we had gotten married in a church with a couple of witnesses and not overdone. Our wedding was wonderful, don't get me wrong, but I don't think the stress and pain was worth it!

don't let ANYONE make you feel bad-Its your wedding-do what YOU want!!! Good luck BTW!:hugs

i know all about the trying to get married before they leave out. my dh was going on his work ups so much leading up to the deployment i didnt think it was going to happen. we didnt even know until the night before the wedding where we were going to have it. we wanted the beach but everyone kept saying it was going to rain (which it didnt) so we had it at the preachers house then went to the beach afterwards for some photos. as far as family went..my parents came. i told them what weekend it was going to be and like i said at first we had no idea where, we just knew what weekend.So i was like you can if you want, either way its happening. At the time we had a little over a week left before deployment. His parents unfortunatly live in Lousiana and Katrina kept them from being able. But we have talked about having another event though later on for his parents (maybe kinda like a renewing of the vows..is that what its called?)land he has already said he wants it to be in Louisiana. He hasnt been home in over 2 years to see family.


Good luck on anything you decide.:goodvibes

We had a quickie JOP thing and now we're planning a big wedding. We didn't do it for the benefits since he wasn't even in the navy at that time. I don't see anything wrong with that arrangement IF it appeals to you.

There's always Vegas! We got married there in between DH's duty stations. We tried planning a big wedding, but it just turned into something way too huge. So he and I drove out to visit his family in CA, and then went to Vegas on our way back to TX. I didn't miss the big wedding idea at all.. the whole point is to be married and have a life together..